NOTE! This is an ongoing story. If this is your first visit, please read the About This Page link, and then use the archive links to go the first post and read backwards.
The sun rose slowly over the town, as if it was reluctant to start the day. The populace knew how it felt. Farmers emerged from their homes, squinting into the morning light and groaning. Shopkeepers opened their doors slowly before retreating into the darkness behind the counter to hold their heads.
Their wives roamed the town, going about their usual business with mixed looks of sympathy and smugness. The women all had the same conversation with their spouses.
“Maybe this will teach you to stay out all night drinking,” they chastised, but men and women alike knew that it wouldn’t.
The doors of the Chainmail Bikini remained closed. Inside, the ladies slept peacefully and with smiles on their faces.
Sam and Lilly had been up for an hour, sitting at the bar with steaming mugs of coffee. Lilly finally broke the silence that had been broken only by the solitary girl behind the counter washing dishes.
“So,” she began hesitantly, “what made you decide to follow in your old Granny’s footsteps?”
Sam glanced over at her grandmother, torn between truth and tact.
“To be honest,” she finally answered, “I had decided that this was the life that I wanted before I knew about you. Dad told me you were a warrior after I told him that I wanted to leave home.”
“I see,” Lilly said, voice and body both slumping slightly.
“But I have heard of you on my travels,” Sam continued, trying to cheer her up.
“Oh yeah?” Lilly said, brightening. “What did you hear?”
“Umm, I heard that you kicked Earls ass, and his friends.” Sam answered softly.
“Uh-huh, uh-huh, what else?” Lily leaned forward excitedly.
“And…” Sam cast her eyes to the floor before answering. “And that’s about all.”
There was silence as both women sipped their coffee in the embarrassing silence.
“So my legacy, after thirty years of being a warrior woman, is that I beat up a fat bartender.”
“And his friends!” the girl behind the counter said brightly.
“Suzy-Q,” Bob said from the doorway, “I am doubtful that your comment, although sincere, is helping the situation.”
“Oh.” The girl said. “But it’s a big deal to me! I was here when it happened! She was all FWOOSH! BANG! SWISH!”
The girl pirouetted around behind the bar, a spoon in her hand taking the place of a sword in her memory.
“And Earl was on the ground, whining and crying and we were all so happy to see him get some of what he had been dishing out to us. Coffee?”
Bob nodded with a wink and a smile and accepted the cup with a nod of thanks.
“Well,” Lilly said suddenly, standing. “I guess I better get going to see the ol’ King about getting half the payment.”
“Don’t you think you should give yourself more time to heal up before you travel?” Sam asked.
“What, this?” Lilly said as she waved her arm around furiously without a wince. “Good as new, ya did a great job patching me up.”
“Miss Lilly,” Bob interjected, “Would you mind if I accompanied you on your journey?”
“Why?” asked Lilly and Sam at the same time.
“I have never been to the Kingdom of Rom. You always learn new things when you travel.”
“Good point.” Sam said. “I think I’d like to go along, too. If you don’t mind, that is.”
Lilly smiled broadly and grabbed the two in each of her arms.
“A long trip with a handsome man and my long lost granddaughter?” She said as she looked at each of them. “How could I refuse an offer like that?” What about your little pixie friend?”
“Woman!” Tink shouted from the stairs before stumbling down a step or two while rubbing her eyes. “I like you, I really do, but if you call me ‘pixie’ again, especially before I have had my coffee…”
She reached the bottom of the stairs and leaned braced herself with the banister and pulled herself up to her full, minuscule height.
“I’ll kill you,” she concluded.
Lilly glanced at Sam, still held in her hug/headlock.
Sam nodded.
“I wouldn’t put it past her. She doesn’t have much reach, but she is quick and fights dirty.”
“So do I,” Lilly said with a grin.
“Tink has a tendency to keep cracking kneecaps until you fall down, and then jumping on your face. A lot. With boots. And she has a lot of energy.”
“Point taken.” Lilly said. “No pixies here.”
Suzy-Q put a huge mug on the bar as Tink hopped up. Tink took a long sip before asking, “Did I hear something about going on a trip?”
“Yeah, to see the King of Rom.” Sam answered. “Bob and I are going, and you are welcome to join us if you want.”
Tink glared at Sam.
“Hellooo? Life debt, remember?”
“Looks like we have a party, then!” Lilly exclaimed. “We’ll leave as soon as we’ve finished our coffee.”
“That does seem rather sudden,” Bob objected. “Is there any particular reason you are in such a rush?”
“I want my money,” Lilly answered. “Besides, I like this place and can see myself staying here a long time, maybe even the rest of my life, so I gotta get movin’ on.”
“Huh?” the rest of the group chorused.
“I’m not ready to settle down just yet,” Lilly explained, “So anytime I find myself thinking about settling down, I move on as quick as these old legs will take me.”
“OK,” Sam said, “Then we pack and get our supplies ready today, and leave tomorrow at first light.”
“Tomorrow?!” Lilly protested. “Why not now? I don’t need anything, I usually just find what I need on the road.”
“It wont hurt you to wait a day, will it Miss Lilly?” Bob asked. “I have many preparations to make before departing. Perhaps you could start a fight to keep you occupied in the meantime.”
“Gods, I hope so.” Lilly murmured. “What the hell you gotta do that’s gonna take a whole damn day?”
“I have several potions in my lab brewing that would be disastrous to cut short,” Bob explained. “And I prefer not to rely on the fortunes of the road for sustenance. I have never been partial to lizard road-kill roasted over a smoky, damp wood fire.”
“Oh, fine. Whatever.” Lilly waved a hand at Bob. “Go get your fancy magic stuff taken care of so we can get goin’.”
The rest of the day the group went about collecting supplies and getting ready for the trip. The donkey was fitted with a better harness for carrying the provisions. Potions were bottled and placed in the magic belt pouch, and Bob conceded to Sam and Tink and promised to wear it unseen at his back, beneath the heavy cloak. Tink joined forces with Lilly to argue with Sam and Bob regarding the wisdom of packing a large number of bottles full of ale. The most difficult part of the preparations was informing the Ladies of the Chainmail Bikini of their plans.
They did not take the news well.
Bob informed them that the undead warriors would remain, and would take instruction from Stella. He also made each of the Ladies individually promise to stay out of his lab, and spelled the door locked, just in case. Sam and Tink packed all of their things into one small pack, and offered their room for the Ladies use.
Earl surprised them all by working in the kitchen all day and delivering a large sack of food for them to take.
“It should last you a couple of weeks,” he growled, trying to keep his image. “Shouldn’t go bad if you stretch it out longer than that.”
They thanked Earl, and Tink even hopped up on the bar to kiss the mans cheek.
“I don’t think I will ever need to kick your ass again, Earl.” She told him.
Evening fell and a moderate amount of drinking took place as a good-bye celebration. Lilly finally got her wish and managed to get into a scuffle with a young plow boy who was feeling his oats. He soon left feeling to see if his privates were still in place.
The group retired early, except Lilly who was looking for another fight.
* * *
The first rays of the sun lit upon the group outside the Chainmail Bikini. Lilly was pacing back and forth impatiently, kicking up a small cloud of dust from the street. Sam and Tink took care of the last minute details and made sure that the gear was secure upon the mule. Bob had his belt pouch twisted around in front of him, his arm disappearing into its depths as he arranged his items. Despite its magical properties, the pouch looked full enough to burst at any moment. After a round of tearful goodbyes to the Ladies, the group set off down the road.
After an hour of walking, Sam quickened her step to pace alongside her grandmother.
“So how far is the Kingdom of Rom?” she asked.
“About three days of steady walking,” Lilly answered tersely. “We could have been halfway there by now if hadn’t waited.”
Sam didn’t reply, but slowed her pace until the donkey had pulled up alongside her. She rummaged in Earl’s pack and removed a hunk of bread and some smoked meat. She quickly caught back up to Lilly and took a bite of her meal.
“Hungry?” she asked her grandmother.
“Yeah, I guess I could go for a bit of food.” She answered, holding out her hand towards Sam.
Rather than give her the meal, Sam glanced quickly from either side of the road. She darted to a large tree, hand flashing at one of its hanging branches. She stepped back to Lilly and dropped a large locust into Lilly’s hand.
“What the hell is this?” Lilly demanded.
“Something to eat,” Sam answered, taking another bite of her bread.
“Why are you eating bread and meat and I get a bug?”
“Because you said that you prefer to find things to eat on the road. I found this on the road.”
Lilly flicked her wrist and the locust took to the air with a loud buzz.
“OK, Sam,” she said. “Point taken. I’ll quit bitching now.”
“Good.”
They walked in silence for several minutes, Sam occasionally taking bites from her meal.
“Well?” Lilly demanded.
“‘Well’ what?”
“You gonna give me some of that?”
“Nope.”
“What!? Why the hell not?”
Sam jerked her thumb over her shoulder.
“The mule’s back there,” she said. “Get your own.”
Lilly burst into loud laughter, and several more locusts scrambled out of the trees into the air.
“I guess I’m a bit used to getting my way,” Lilly said. “I can tell that won’t be the case with this crew.”
“Nope,” Sam repeated.
Lilly faded back and rummaged in the pack, tongue protruding out the corner of her mouth as she searched for the bread and dried meat. After extracting both, she caught back up to Sam.
“So how’s your father?” she asked.
“I haven’t seen him in almost a year, but the last time I saw him he was doing fine.” Sam answered. “He was still doing the farmer thing, and seemed happy with it.”
Lilly shook her head and took another bite.
“I never thought that boy would become a farmer,” she said around a mouth full of food.
“Why not?”
“That boy was the greatest general in the King’s army,” Lilly explained. “He led thousands of men into battle, won many glorious wars and brought great honor, not to mention land, to the King. One day, he asked to see the King and was immediately granted an audience. He just quit, and no amount of prodding by the King would get an explanation. He wouldn’t even tell me.”
Sam stopped in the middle of the road, astonished.
“Daddy was a warrior?” she asked skeptically.
“Oh yeah! He was the youngest captain of the guard, made General in record time and was the favorite of the King. No matter what your father said, the King listened. Not the current king, of course, but his father.”
“Then…” Sam struggled as questions stumbled over themselves in her mind. “Then why did he quit?”
“It took me a while, but I finally got him to talk about it. He said that he had seen all the blood he wanted to see in his lifetime, and more, and he was tired of it. He never wanted to take another life, either on his own or with an army. He wanted to give life, to the land, and to you and your brothers. He asked the King for a plot of land, which was gladly given. He built a house, tilled the land, and met your mother. About that time, the old King died and the Prince took the throne. Your father has lived in relative anonymity ever since.”
Lilly turned and glanced at Bob and Tink, who had stopped a respectful distance behind them, confusion on their faces. She started walking again, and Sam hesitated a moment before joining her.
“I think Daddy misses you,” Sam said. “He told me a long time ago that he didn’t know if you were alive or dead. He seemed sad about it.”
“Well,” Lilly said with a smile, ” I guess after we get done with this little jaunt we will have to go pay the boy a visit. That should shock the shit outta him.”
Sam chuckled at the thought of her fathers face when his long lost warrior mother showed up with his warrior daughter. She laughed out loud at the thought of her mother’s face.
Bob’s voice broke the morning air.
“I say!” he cried. “I do believe there is something wrong with your ass!”
Both women spun round to glare at the mage. They saw that the donkey had stopped and sat crudely in the middle of the road, and understood Bob’s meaning.
Tink was pulling at the donkeys lead rope and cussing up a storm. A number of locusts erupted from the trees, only to fall to the ground under her ferocious curses.
“What happened?” Sam asked as she took the rope from the panting elf.
“Nothing!” Tink shouted. “We were just walking along, no worries, and the son-of-a-bitch just stopped in the middle of the bleeping road!”
Her voice had risen in pitch until it squeaked at the offending word.
Sam glanced at Lilly, who nodded. They both began scanning the edge of the forest with their eyes, not moving their heads.
“There.” Sam murmured, motioning surreptitiously with her head.
“Yeah, I see ‘em” Lilly answered. “Those black tunics aren’t that tough to spot, if you are looking. Sorry Sam, I should have been expecting this.”
“I guess they are still a bit upset about the other night,” Sam offered.
“If you were forced to wear those pants, wouldn’t you be upset?” Tink asked, peering into the underbrush.
Sam risked another look, and saw that although the men still wore the black tunics and hoods from the other night, their pants were a hodgepodge of styles and colors. There was no semblance of uniformity; she saw glimpses of blue, red, plaid, patchwork and even a tartan kilt.
“Looks like they brought the boss with ‘em this time,” Lilly observed.
The opposing army emerged from the brush and formed ranks in the road ahead of the group. Astride a brilliant white horse in the forefront was a man still clad entirely in black, long cape billowing softly in the morning breeze.
“How many you figure?” Lilly asked.
“Maybe fifty,” Sam answered between clenched teeth.
Bob and Tink had gathered with the two warriors.
“I say we leave the army here and take the good Prince back to Daddy,” Lilly growled.
“And just how do you propose we leave the army here, if I may ask?” Bob inquired.
“Bleeding,” answered Lilly in a flat voice.
“Ah, I see.” Bob responded. “So how do you ladies propose we divide them up? Split them equally or just take them as they come?”
“I can take maybe fifteen or twenty if they don’t all come at once,” Lilly calculated.
“I should be good for about that many,” Sam put in.
“Put me down for five,” Tink said. “I wish I still had that table leg.”
“So that would leave between five and fifteen for me,” Bob said. “I don’t suppose I could interest you in an alternate plan, could I?”
The three women faced him.
“Such as?” Sam asked.
“Well, since fortune has smiled upon us and practically handed Prince Donny Boy to us, I agree that we would be foolish to not take advantage of the situation and receive full payment for services rendered.” Bob explained. “I am, however, a bit reluctant to leave such a large number of corpses in our wake.”
“So what do wanna do, String Bean?” Lilly demanded, keeping her eye on a group of men in plaid who were attempting to slowly encircle the group.
“Please observe,” Bob said as he stepped around the ladies to face the leader. “And take the Prince into custody as soon as circumstances allow.”
Lilly looked at Sam, who shrugged.
“I guess that’s all the explanation we get,” she intoned as she watched Bob walk into the empty space separating the two groups.
