NOTE! This is an ongoing story. If this is your first visit, please read the About This Page link, and then use the archive links to go the first post and read backwards.
“Are we there yet?”
Lilly growled deep in her throat as Sam clenched her jaw tightly.
“Tink,” Bob said in a flat voice, “If you ask that question one more time, you will be joining the Prince. And I wont use the potion before stuffing you in the pouch.”
“Well excuse the hell out of me!” Tink exploded. “We have been walking for two days and I have to take twice as many steps as you!”
Lilly stopped and whirled to face Tink. She jabbed a finger in her face.
“You’ve been whining and riding our ass…”
“And the donkey…” Bob interrupted.
“For the last two goddamn hours, and I’m about sick of it!” Lilly concluded.
She whirled and began walking down the road again, picking up the pace and muttering under her breath.
After several minutes, she heaved a sigh.
“We’ve been in Rom since early this morning,” she informed the group. “We should be at the palace in a couple of hours.”
Tink looked at her surroundings from her donkey assisted vantage point.
“But all we’ve seen so far is a few broken down villages.”
Lilly simply nodded.
The group continued on. As they got closer to where Lilly said the palace was, the villages became more frequent, but not more opulent.
“I cant help but wonder how the King has a thousand gold pieces to spend on a reward when his kingdom is in such shambles,” Bob mused.
Sam pointed a finger ahead of them up the road.
“It looks like the King has plenty of gold, even if his people don’t.” she said.
The Palace sat high on a hill, the road winding its way to the front gate. As the group approached, the rutted dirt road gave way to cobblestones a short distance away. The evening sun gleamed off of bright white parapets, and the breeze played with the pennants. A high wall surrounded the building, and there was an invisible line the run-down cottages didn’t cross, creating a large meadow of tall grass and wild flowers. It appeared the castle didn’t want to associate with its ne’er-do-well cousins in the village.
The group finally reached the gleaming front gate, which was bracketed by two guards in brightly colored uniforms.
“Halt!” The guards shouted in unison. “Who goes there?!”
“Gods, I hate that cliché.” Bob muttered. Sam shushed him with an elbow to his ribs.
“Lilith!” Lilly responded to the guards. “Warrior woman returning from a quest for the King!”
The guard on the left started to nod, and his helmet tilted forward, an obscenely large feather at its crest flipping in front of his face. The guard rapidly pushed the helmet back into place, and the feather waved backwards and forwards, sliding the helmet along the mans brow.
“Proceed!” the guard on the right ordered before slapping his partner on the arm.
Safely out of earshot, Sam voiced her opinion of the guards.
“No wonder he needed outside help,” she said to Lilly. “I wouldn’t trust those two to find a lit candle in their rear ends.”
“Those are just there for the decoration,” Lilly said. “The chancellor keeps the best troops out of sight, and constantly training. The ‘King’s Army’ is all flash, no fight. The Chancellor’s army is all fight, no scruples.”
“So why didn’t the king send the super duper soldiers to find his kid?” Tink asked.
“I kinda got the feeling last time I was here that the King doesn’t even know they exist.” Lilly answered. “The only reason I know about them is because I can spot a mercenary a mile away, and there are sure a lot of them. They live in the run-down village out there, and they don’t care how it looks as long as they have a place to sleep.”
“Hold it,” Bob ordered, coming to a stop in the middle of the courtyard. “Are you trying to tell me that the King sits on his throne, oblivious, and the Chancellor has a private army to collect the taxes from the population, who starves in sight of opulence? Let me guess: The Chancellor is an evil man who is probably secretly running the kingdom until he can take it over, and he is the one who raised our nasty little Prince-in-a-bag?”
“Umm, yeah,” Lilly said quizzically. “How did you know all that?”
“Gods,” Bob exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. “I just walked into the Kingdom of Cliché!”
“I thought it was Rom…” Tink said, confused.
“Shut up Bob,” Sam ordered. “We don’t know who is listening and we don’t want to offend anyone before Gramma gets her money. Besides, this might make a good story to tell.”
“I doubt it,” Bob muttered under his breath. “I got five gold pieces that says the Chancellor is a tall man with dark hair and a pointed goatee.”
“But, that sounds like you,” Tink said, still confused.
“Hush.”
The group continued across the castles courtyard until they reached the doorway leading into the castle proper. They were once again challenged by guards, who once again accepted Lilly’s explanation and pushed open the heavy doors.
They entered a huge hallway, massive columns bracketing the carpeted walkway. Banners hung from the ceiling, and tapestries adorned the walls. Golden candelabras were affixed to the columns, and crystal adorned chandeliers hung high overhead. At the end of the carpet was a huge throne. Carved lions heads perched atop the high back, and snarling dogs graced the arms. Seated on an overstuffed pillow was a small pudgy man, who looked very bored.
A man in tattered clothing stood before the King, shoulders slumped. He was speaking in a very soft voice, as if afraid of being heard.
“… So then the collector came, and we gave him our last piece of gold. He said that we were still behind on our taxes, and started tearing apart our house looking for some more. When he didn’t find any, he took our cow. It’s been a tough year, your Highness, and we don’t have enough food to last the winter, and we were hoping that maybe you could do something, to… um…. help?”
The King heaved a deep sigh and shifted in his throne.
“I don’t understand why you felt the need to address me personally on this matter,” he told the peasant. “We collect those taxes in order to maintain the Kingdom. A portion of those taxes is paid in crops, and those are put into the Royal Storage House to feed my people. All you needed to do was go there and ask for it.”
“Yes, Sire, I understand,” the peasant continued. “But, you see, I did go to the storehouse and requested some basics. Just enough to keep my family fed, you understand. The man working there was very polite, and gathered up everything that I had asked for. Then he told me that I had to pay three gold pieces for it. If you remember, sire, we had paid our last gold piece in taxes.”
The King no longer looked bored. He snapped upright in his chair, eyes wide.
“They tried to charge you?” He demanded. “Get the Chancellor!”
A page raced from the room. The king tapped his foot impatiently as he waited.
The Chancellor entered the room from behind a tall curtain. He was a tall man, disturbingly thin. A tall silk hat sat upon his jet black hair, and he scowled from behind a pointed beard, its tip curled up.
“Yes, your Majesty?” he asked.
“Told you so,” Bob whispered to Sam. “You owe me five gold pieces.”
“SHHH!” Lilly hissed.
The King and his Chancellor were holding a whispered conference at the throne. Occasionally, one or the other would gesture furiously at the peasant, who was trying in vain to eavesdrop on the conversation regarding his family’s fate.
The King addressed the peasant.
“My Chancellor tells me that the payment is to cover the cost of paying the workers in the storehouse.”
“But, Sire! I just explained that I have paid my last coin in taxes! Shouldn’t the taxes cover the workers payments? My family has no money, we’ll starve!”
“Chancellor,” the King said in a loud voice, overriding the peasant’s protests, “take this man to the storehouse and allow him to take all he needs for his family, and waive any ’service fee’ that may be set up. When you return, we will discuss the matter further.”
The Chancellor scowled, and motioned to a guard. The guard came forward and let the peasant away.
“The guard will take him to the storehouse, if you wish to discuss the matter now, Sire.”
“Hey there, your Highness,” Lilly interrupted, stepping forward.
The King looked at Lilly and his eyes opened wide.
“You’ve returned!” he exclaimed. “What news? Have you found my son?”
“Yes, your Highness.”
The King looked at the group, attempting to peer behind them in search of the Prince.
“Then where is he?” he asked. “You were to return him after you found him.”
“Tink?”
Tink strode forward and made a great show of removing the pouch from her belt. She reached into the bag and withdrew the struggling Prince. She place him on the floor in front of the throne, and pointed a finger at his tiny head.
“Stay!” she ordered. “You’re up, Bob.”
Bob had already removed a bottle from his own pouch, and poured a brightly colored sand into his palm. He carefully knelt in front of the Prince and blew the dust at him.
The Prince grew to his normal size in a matter of moments, and Lilly cut the rag gagging him.
“You will all pay dearly for this insolence!” he spluttered.
The King was on his feet, his face a deep crimson red.
“What is this?” he demanded.
“What?” Lilly asked. “You wanted him back, we brought him back. That will be a thousand gold pieces, please.”
“Why was my son bewitched and placed in a filthy bag?”
“He really didn’t want to come back home, your Majesty,” Sam explained before Lilly had a chance to speak. “And he had a band of bandits with him to try and keep us from bringing him here.”
“She lies!” the Prince cried. “I was with a hunting party! We were chasing a stag when this woman attacked me and her pet mage shrunk me and dumped me in a bag!”
“Hunting a stag?!” Lilly demanded, her voice bouncing around the room. “Well you must be a pretty shitty shot if you hit me!”
Lilly pulled aside her cloak to reveal the still healing wound in her shoulder.
“She must have gotten that when my hunting party attempted to rescue me,” the Prince said.
“Like hell!” Lilly roared and took a step towards the prince, hand on hilt.
“Your Majesty, if I may interrupt?” Bob stepped between Lilly and the Prince. “I have in my possession a truth stone, which I would like to offer for your use. You may use it to verify our claims.”
“A most generous offer, but I am understandably reluctant to trust a man who would treat royalty as you have treated my son,” the coldly stated. “I expected better of you, Lilith. Bring my court magician!”
The same page raced once again from the room. In moments, a cloud of smoke erupted from the floor in front of the king, a shadowy figure just visible inside.
“You summoned me?” the figure asked as the smoke vanished as rapidly as it had appeared.
“Yes, magician,” the King answered. “I want you to verify the truth of these peoples claims.”
The mage turned to face the group, his long black cloak swirling around him. His eyes widened.
“Bobrogonzo,” he stated flatly.
“Norman,” Bob returned the greeting in kind.
“Still hanging with the corpses?” Norman asked.
“On occasion,” Bob answered. “I see that you have used your talents exactly as I expected.”
“Well,” Norman sneered, “when you’re good, you get noticed by the right people.”
“I’m afraid you have me there. Of course, I have always maintained that you are very good at what you do.”
“Enough of this!” the King bellowed. “Find me the truth!”
Norman pulled a Truth Stone from one of the many pockets of his cloak.
“You’re Majesty, I have here a stone which will…”
“Yes, yes, I know,” the King interjected. “I have seen it before. You don’t have to describe it to me every time.”
“If I may, your Highness?” Bob stepped forward. “I would like to use my own stone in conjunction with your court magicians to validate the readings. Surely you can see the wisdom of using two stones over one?
“You doubt my Truth Stone?” Norman asked with mock insult. “Why Bobrogonzo, I am indeed wounded.”
“Past experience has shown me that when you are involved, results should be checked.” Bob answered icily. “And then checked again, and have the results verified by several outside sources.”
“I don’t care how many stones you use,” the King ordered, “just get on with it.”
“Whose tall tale should we tackle first?” Norman asked.
“Mine.” Lilly stepped forward.
The two magicians placed their stones in mid-air in front of her.
“Perhaps you should ask the questions, your Majesty.” Bob suggested.
“Err, me?” The King was momentarily taken by surprise.
“Yes, Sire.” Bob answered. “Although the truth stones are a wonderful tool, they can be misled by a person knowledgeable enough. Therefore, I suggest we remove that possibility.”
“Yes, of course,” the King stated, then faced Lilly. “Did I offer you a thousand gold pieces to bring back my missing son?”
“Yes.”
Both stones registered truth.
“Did you find my son’s hunting party?”
“Yes and no.”
The stones changed back to their neutral color.
“Why did they do that?” the King demanded.
“Your question could be answered simply. The truth lies somewhere between yes and no.”
“Oh, so I should keep it to yes and no questions… Did you find my son?”
“Yes.” The stones glowed blue once again.
“Was he hunting?”
“Kinda.” Neutral stones again.
“Perhaps it would be better to change the nature of the test,” Bob offered. “Lilith, if you would recount the events, pausing after each statement, the stones can verify the truth of the statement.”
Lilly smiled at him.
“I found the prince.”
Blue stones.
“He was with a hunting party.”
Blue again.
“He wasn’t hunting a stag.”
Bob’s stone was blue, while Norman’s glowed crimson red.
“Now what?” demanded the King.
“Obviously this man has used his magic to change the color of his stone to show this woman’s lies as truth.” Norman stated.
“Wait a damn minute, you slimy…” Tink was rushing forward, but Sam caught her by the shoulder.
“It would have been just as easy for you to accomplish that task, Norman.” Bob countered.
“Then this test is useless!” thundered the King.
“On the contrary,” Bob argued. “If we are to assume that one of us is changing the stones color, and we also assume that it can only be done after hearing the question, I suggest you question Lilith alone, and out of earshot. Only then can you be sure of getting the correct reading out of both stones.”
“Your Majesty,” the Chancellor ran forward, alarmed. “I cannot leave you alone with this heavily armed woman. Who knows what mischief she is planning?”
“Oh nonsense, Chancellor,” the king waved a dismissive hand. “I’ve been alone with her dozens of…”
He stopped speaking abruptly and looked in horror at Lilly.
Lilly was, amazingly, blushing fiercely.
“Ahem!” The King regained his composure and continued. “This sounds like a good plan. You may all leave the Kings chamber.”
“I must protest, sire!” the Chancellor tried again.
“Hey! Pointy Beard!” Tink shouted. “Kings overrule Chancellors, so getchyer butt outta here!”
After a stern look from the King, they left the two alone. The Prince, Chancellor and Norman gathered rapidly into a small group. A whispered argument could almost be overheard.
“I don’t like the look of that,” Sam commented.
“There does seem to be a certain amount of collusion going on.” Bob agreed.
“That slimy, no good, scum sucking, arrogant rat bastard of a Prince is up to no good, I guarantee.” Tink offered. “Him and his livestock molesting friends.”
“Loquacious to a fault, my dear Tink.” Bob said.
“How do you know that magician?” Sam asked
“We attended the same school,” Bob answered. “We all learned rather rapidly that if Norman was around, you needed to be cautious.”
“School?” Tink asked, “What school?”
“Greater University of Education, Science and Sorcery.”
“G.U.E.S.S.?” Sam asked, brow furrowed.
“Ahem, well, yes.” Bob stammered. “I don’t really advertise my Alma Mater in that fashion. It doesn’t lead to a great amount of confidence in my abilities.”
“What kind of person is Norman?” Sam prompted.
“He was always obsessed with being the top of our class, by any means possible.” Bob explained. “He felt little concern over lying, cheating, stealing or bribing to get there. Anything he thought would advance his credentials to get the most powerful position after graduation. Unfortunately, he made one critical mistake and did not graduate, let alone with the honors he coveted so dearly.”
“Why not?” Tink asked.
“The wife of the Dean seemed to be taking a greater interest in the education of Norman then the Dean felt was appropriate.” Bob grinned. “One would think it obvious that the Dean of a school of magic would be a hard man to deceive. Perhaps Norman should have slept with the Dean to gain favor instead.”
The King and Lilly emerged from the Throne Room, arm in arm. Lilly was grinning hugely, but the King did not look pleased.
“Your truth stone, Magician,” The king said formally as he handed it to Bob. “I am grateful for its use, and you have my thanks.”
He walked over to the other group, and stood before Norman.
“Here’s your rock,” he said and dropped it on the ground. “The three of you may now leave.”
Uneasy glances were exchanged as Norman knelt to retrieve his stone.
“Perhaps your Majesty will require my services later?” The Chancellor asked. “I do have a small number of pressing matters that I must attend to, but if your Majesty requires…”
“You misunderstand me,” the King said, ice dripping from his words. “The three of you may leave. Permanently. I have seen your clandestine meetings, I have heard the whispers of your conversations. I have long suspected you of plotting against me, but did not want to believe that my trusted Chancellor and my own son would be capable of such a thing. The Stones have confirmed my suspicions.”
He turned and began walking back to Lilly.
“You no longer have a place here, any of you.” He concluded.
“But I’m the Prince! You have no other heirs!”
The King faced the trio once again.
“It is possible that I could produce another heir.”
Lilly nodded. She noticed her three friends looking at her in shock and blushed again.
“Chancellor, I wanted to believe in you, but I have watched you make my citizens miserable.” The King said. “I agreed with your taxes, I authorized your plans. To my shame, I have allowed you to run my Kingdom into the ground, and I will not allow it any further. My people will no longer starve while you fill your own coffers. Leave, now.”
“But your Majesty!” the Chancellor protested.
“NOW!” The King bellowed. “GUARDS!”
The heavy doors burst open, and a dozen brightly colored guards entered, weapons at the ready.
“Escort these criminals from my Kingdom,” he ordered.
“At once, sire!” the Captain of the Guard stated, and the group advanced on Sam, Bob, Tink and Lilly.
“Whoa there, soldier!” Sam said as she took a step backwards, reaching for her sword.
“No, no, NO!” the King corrected the guards. “The other ones are the criminals!”
“The Prince, sire?” asked the confused captain. “As well as the Chancellor and Magician? I don’t understand, sire.”
“Yes, those three,” the King confirmed. “Escort them to the edge of my kingdom. If they attempt to return, execute them on the spot.”
“But, sire…” the captain began once again.
“You heard him, goomba!” Tink shouted at the captain. “His kingliness wants you to take out the trash, so get movin’!”
“You don’t want to do this, Father.” Prince Don said, his voice taking on a newer, nastier tone.
“Why not?” the King asked. “Your whole life, all you have been interested in is hunting and terrorizing the citizens. You have never shown any interest in being my heir. You are not now, nor shall you ever be, worthy to be a King.”
“You’re wrong, Father. I will be King, I will rule this kingdom. You can’t prevent it.”
The Prince turned and stormed out of the great hall, followed by the magician and chancellor. The guards were practically running to keep up and follow their orders.
“Well, now!” the King exclaimed, clapping his hands loudly, “Shall we dine? You shall be the guests of the Palace for as long as you wish. A banquet shall be prepared while I gather your payment, Miss Lilith.”
Sam and Bob exchanged glances.
“We should at least eat,” Sam said.
“I fear that if we were to refuse the banquet,” Bob said, watching Tink drool, “Our elfin friend will cause us great bodily harm.”
“Now you’re talkin’!” Tink shouted. “Let’s EAT!”
