NOTE! This is an ongoing story. If this is your first visit, please read the About This Page link, and then use the Table of Contents links to go the first chapter.

Everyone was already seated when Sam and Bob entered the room and took their seats.

“And just what have you two been up to?” Lilly asked with a bawdy wink.

“Bob was wrapping up a project in his lab,” Sam explained, a bit hastily. “A new weapon, stink bombs.”

“Uh huh,” Tink said while rolling her eyes, “That sounds plausible.”

Sam began to retort, but the King interrupted by loudly clearing his throat.

“May I introduce the Royal Historian, Humphrey.”

The King gestured to an impossibly old man slumped in his chair at the far end of the table. His head was bowed and his bearded chin rested on his chest. His long, white hair cascaded over his face, concealing his features. The hair fluttered with each breath. He gave no indication that he had heard the King.

“Historian Humphrey?” prompted the King again.

The old man responded with a rattling snore.

“Humphrey!” bellowed the King.

The old man’s head snapped upright, arms flailing wildly.

“Quills down!” he shouted. “Pass your scrolls to the front of the class!”

He glared around the room at the crowd that was staring at him in bemusement.

“Who the hell are you and what the hell are you doing here?” he demanded.

The King stood to get Humphrey’s attention. “I asked you here to provide us with information regarding my son’s military education.”

Humphrey peered over his tiny spectacles at the King.

“Your son?”

“Yes, my son,” the King answered, irritated. “Don. The Prince?”

“Oh yes,” Humphrey nodded. “Such a good lad. Very high spirits, of course, but that’s to be expected. A very good pupil, one of my favorites.”

“I banished him,” the King said flatly.

“Oh, thank the Gods,” Humphrey said, shoulders sagging in relief. “I’ve spent the past five years begging the Reaper to take me before that little shit ascended to the throne.”

“He was that bad?” asked the King. “Why didn’t you inform me?”

“It isn’t wise to speak negatively about the King’s son,” Humphrey answered. “Especially when the little brat will eventually get the crown, and more importantly, you still have to see him every day. Little bugger would have come in to his next lesson with a plan of vengeance, I can assure you.”

“Excuse me for interrupting,” Charles said, “what can you tell us about Prince Don’s education in military history and tactics?”

“The usual stuff: how the Kingdom was founded; what battles were fought and how; when and where they took place. He never paid much attention to those lessons, though. They didn’t interest him in the slightest.”

“What did interest him, then?” King Ronald asked, frowning.

“Chambermaids, mostly,” Humphrey said. “That, and provoking small animals. He found a great deal of pleasure in provoking the chambermaids using the small animals.”

“What interested him militarily?” Charles clarified.

“Oh, that. He would look at the maps and histories and battle details and declare that both leaders were stupid. He was rather gifted at analyzing the battles and forming a new strategy for either side that would change the outcome. I saw no flaw in his reasoning, but I am not a military strategist.”

“So, he’s a good at strategy, but has no field experience,” Charles mused. “Maybe I can use that.”

“You need anything else?” Humphrey asked, his chin already falling back onto his chest.

“No. Thank you for your kind assistance, Historian.” The King said. “We may again call on your knowledge as we formulate a battle plan.”

Humphrey responded with a loud snore.

“Magician,” Charles began, turning to face Bob. “What kind of foe do we have in the former Court Magician?”

“Greedy and unscrupulous,” Bob stated simply. “He has absolutely no qualms whatsoever in doing whatever it takes to further his own agenda, no matter the consequences to those around him. His magical abilities are strong, but hampered by his unreasonable temper. It causes him to act in haste. Fortunately, I discovered long ago that when he gets in that state, he stammers. There is nothing in the magical world more difficult than correctly repeating the words of a spell in an arcane language while stammering.”
“Great,” Tink said, “so all we have to do is piss him off and he cant do shit. What pisses him off the most?”

“Anyone that does something better than him,” Bob answered the elf. “He is quite arrogant, and thinks that he is superior to almost everyone. Proving otherwise unhinges him.”

“I’m not sure how we could use that on the battlefield, Bob.” Sam observed.

“There is one other way to limit his effectiveness,” Bob continued slowly, “but it is even less likely to be used in a battle situation.”

“And that other method is?” Sam prompted.

“Rejection. Any kind of rejection, but most significantly by a woman.” Bob explained. “While we were attending school, a pretty young witch struck his fancy. Norman tried everything to woo her, ignoring her polite refusals for months. She finally got tired of being polite, and blew up at him. Unfortunately, this happened on the grounds in front of all of his peers. She told she wasn’t interested, she wasn’t attracted to him at all, and that his personality repulsed her.”
“What did he do?” Sam asked.

“He cursed the poor girl, using a very devious curse. He is cruel, but intelligent. The girl in question was a beautiful soul, as evidenced by the fact that it took months for her to get tired of his daily attentions. Normans curse was tied to those qualities in her that were good and virtuous. Any time she showed the smallest of kindnesses, any time she thought of others more than herself, she grew physically more repulsive. She was such a pure soul that she was unable to resist her impulses to do good things, and she became truly hideous in a very short time.”

“That poor girl!” Tink cried. “What happened to her?”

“After many months of study and experimentation, a solution was found. The original spell could not be broken, but it could be modified. The curse remained, but now her physical beauty was reflected directly by her actions. If she was kind, and good, which of course was in her nature, she shone brighter than the noon sun. If she was petty and cruel, she became less so. She now lives with a good man who is able to understand and accept the nature of her curse, and doesn’t mind the fact that she gets repulsive on bad days.”

“Well, I guess that’s better than no cure at all,” Tink admitted grudgingly, not entirely satisfied with the ending of the story.

“It was truly a blessing for her,” Bob said sadly, “though she does not see it that way.”

“You knew her?” Sam asked.

“Indeed I did,” Bob answered with a slight smile in her direction. “It was I who was able to modify the curse. Working so closely with her for that amount of time, when she had been shunned by all those around her, caused her to develop certain feelings for me. Feelings, I am afraid, I could not return. At the time, I felt that my life needed to take a path that precluded a serious relationship. She felt, incorrectly, that my rejection of her was the reason I ‘chose’ to modify the spell, rather than remove it. As she got closer to the man who would become her husband, he asked me to leave. As I had recently finished my schooling, I agreed.”
“Why would he ask you to leave?” Tink asked.

“Apparently, if the girl sees me or thinks about me, her mood turns sour. I have already explained the consequences of that. But enough of my tale, we have gone decidedly off course. I recommend that we continue our discussion of the crisis at hand.”

“Agreed,” Charles stated. “What we need to know, Magician, is whether or not you can defend against his magical attacks. No offense intended, but we need an honest and realistic appraisal of your abilities versus his.”

“I believe I will be able to counter most of his spells,” Bob answered. “I was the top student at the Academy we both attended, scoring higher marks than Norman in every class. My skills will be tasked, of that I have no doubt. I feel that my attention will need to be focused on him, and as such, if my assistance is needed in any other arena, Norman will have to be neutralized first.”

“I hope that we can form an army of sufficient size that your assistance will not be necessary,” Charles stated.

“Perhaps I should begin preparing an army of the Undead?”

“I would rather not show that hand to our enemy, or the populace, unless necessary. The King said. “I don’t feel that my subjects will be able to accept that on top of all of the many other surprises. We are still a very suspicious people, and we may alienate our own source of troops. However, you should be prepared to utilize that skill, if required.”

Bob nodded in agreement. “I will need to know the location of the closest burial ground, preferably one that has a large number of fallen soldiers and warriors.”

“The Kingdom has set aside a special cemetery for fallen warriors,” Ronald informed him. “The Historian can show you where it is located.”

Humphrey continued to snore loudly.

“Humphrey?” the king prompted, attempting to wake the old man. “HUMPHREY!”

“No talking during exams!” Humphrey exploded with a jump.

“Show the magician the location of Warriors Hollow, if you would.”

“Ahh, it is good to see the younger generation showing their respect to our fallen heroes.” Humphrey nodded in appreciation.

“He might have to raise them,” Ronald told him flatly.

“Oh,” said the old man, looking confused. “Why the hell do you want to dig up a bunch of decades old corpses? That’s disgusting.”

“In order to bring them back to life to defend the Kingdom,” Bob explained.

“That’s even more disgusting,” Humphrey announced. “But, hey, whatever you want.”

“The proclamation is tomorrow,” Ronald told the group. “We should all retire and get a good nights rest. It may be the last chance we have to do so in quite some time.”
With a chorus of nods, the group broke up and departed for their rooms.

NOTE! This is an ongoing story. If this is your first visit, please read the About This Page link, and then use the Table of Contents links to go the first chapter.

Charles stood with his hands on his hips, watching the troops spar with each other.

“Small,” he commented, “but what there is seems to be pretty good.”

“If I had a copper for every time I’ve said that…” Lilly muttered.

“Shut up, Ma.” Charles ordered.

Lilly looked around to see if anyone appreciated her little joke. Sam dutifully ignored her, and the King was looking wounded. She sidled up to him and whispered in his ear.

“Not you, Ronnie. It was just a joke. You are positively royal.”

The small group continued their observation of the training troops. The King had introduced Charles to the gathered troops and informed them of his leadership status. As a result, a few of them attempted to curry favor with their new leader by putting extra effort into their exercises, while others continued to show casual indifference.

“How many troops do you think we will be up against?” Charles asked.

“I would guess at least a hundred and fifty,” Sam answered. “We saw about fifty mercenaries with the Prince before we got here, and we figure about a hundred troops left the Kingdom with him. He may have picked up a few more mercs, so to be safe, lets say two hundred.”

“And it looks like we have maybe a hundred troops here,” Charles said with a sigh. “I really don’t like two to one odds. We’re outnumbered and they have better training. Do we have any advantage? What kind of leadership are they going to have?”

“I think it’s safe to assume that the Chancellor doesn’t have any kind of military skills,” Lilly said. “We can probably say the same for the magician.”

“My son was schooled in military matters,” the King said. “From what I was told, he did very well when he could be coerced into actually attending his lessons.”

“So the Prince is the one who will be calling the shots,” Charles said thoughtfully. “Maybe we have an advantage there. Who provided the schooling? Someone here in the Kingdom?”

“Yes, the Royal Historian.” Ronald answered. “A very old, very wise man. Some say he knows so much about the past hundred years because he lived through them.”

Charles nodded.

“I don’t like the assumption that the magician won’t be able to contribute to the planning,” he said. “In order to get to be a magician, you have to be rather intelligent. Plus, our own magician has been invaluable in our planning, which makes me want to know more about the opposition.”

“Bob is probably the only person that can answer your questions,” Sam said. “He’s the only one who knew him before he got here and started acting like the Kingdoms best friend.”

Charles took a last look at his new troops before turning to face the rest of the group.

“Let’s get the magician and the historian together with the rest of us and see what kind of information we can pull together. We are going to need a plan if we have any hope of succeeding, and we can’t plan without more information.”

*          *          *

Sam looked at the door to Bob’s lab and hesitated. She could see a sick smoke curling up from underneath it, and her nose wrinkled at a foul odor. She held her breath and pushed the heavy door open. As she stepped inside, she involuntarily gasped. She waved her hand in front of her nose in a futile attempt to wave away the smoke and smell.

“Oh my Gods!” she exclaimed in Bob’s direction. “What the hell are you doing in here?”

“Oh!” Bob jumped a little in surprise. “One moment, please, Samantha. I am at a very critical juncture in this potion.”

Sam stood near the doorway, a hand covering her mouth and nose. Bob stirred a cauldron while various vials and boiling beakers hung in the air around him. Occasionally, one of the containers would splash in a drop of their contents, or empty themselves completely into the rolling mixture. The smoke began to change color, from a pale gray to a sickly purple. Bob steeled himself, then leaned over the concoction and sniffed. His nose wrinkled, and the floating ingredients moved themselves out of the way as he stood upright. He raised his hands and cried a single word.

“Zinthos!”

A huge mushroom shaped cloud erupted from the cauldron, which was immediately punctured by a great fountain of flames. The flames swirled malevolently for several moments before dying back into the cauldron. Bob waved away the last wisps of smoke and peered inside. He nodded with satisfaction before finally turning to address Sam.

“Now, what can I do for you?”

“Dad and the King want to have a strategy meeting,” she said through her hand. “We are getting the historian that trained the Prince in military matters, and need you there to give us any information on their magician. What the hell are you making?”

“This?” he asked, glancing into the cauldron. “It’s a fantastic new potion of my own design. Placed into small glass vials, it can be hurled at the enemy where it will break and create a very foul smelling cloud that clings to anyone it comes in contact with. Most unbearable.”

“I believe that,” Sam replied. “It really stinks in here.”

“Oh, its not completed yet,” Bob explained. “Once I have it bottled, I will cast the final curing spell. It is much too odorous to attempt to bottle after completion. When you get a whiff of the completed potion, it will cause violent retching, and the only way to get the stench off of you is to bath in salt water.”

“So,” Sam said in a slightly angry tone, “while we are out trying to get some troops trained to defend the castle, you are down here mixing up joke potions?”

“No, Samantha,” he answered, voice suddenly cold. “Each of these vials will incapacitate as many as five enemy combatants. This will remove more foes faster than any of your weapons.”

“But they can come back after getting the stench off to fight again,” she argued. “Mine don’t.”

“I do not use my skills to take life, Sam,” Bob said. “The men this potion affects will have to travel three days to the nearest natural salt water, retching and heaving the entire way. The three day journey back will not seem to be worth the effort if they believe they may have to do it all again.”

“They can still return to fight again,” Sam repeated.

“I will not use my talents to take a life.” Bob said with finality.

They stared at each other for several long minutes, each silently challenging the other to continue the argument. Sam finally gave way.

“Can you leave your stink bombs long enough to come to the meeting?”

“Yes, at this point it will need to steep for about an hour before bottling,” Bob answered.

“Well, let’s go then,” Sam said as she turned and started for the door. “The historian should be there by now to tell us what the Prince is capable of.”

“Very helpful,” Bob said, not moving. “Sam?”

Something about the new tone in his voice stopped Sam, her hand inches from the door. Bob slowly walked forward until he was very close to her, not meeting her eyes.

“I know that you don’t agree with my methods,” he said softly, “and you may not understand them. But I sincerely hope that you can respect them.”

“You’re wrong, Bob,” she answered after several moments, “I do understand your position. And I want you to know that I do respect your position, almost as much as I respect you.” She paused before continuing. “I can only say that in my experience, a wounded foe always comes back, they always want to finish what they started, they always want revenge. I once felt as you do, but long years of re-fighting the same battles that I thought I had already won have changed my mind. A fight that was over in minutes turns into a year long battle, because they just can’t get it through their head that they lost.”

Bob moved even closer to Sam, and took both of her hands in his own. He bent his head and looked her in the eye.

“I don’t harm them, Sam. I may embarrass or humiliate them, but I don’t physically harm them unless it is the absolute last resort. I never have to deal with the vengeance of a orphaned child, or a man who has lost a limb. They don’t return, because I leave them with little doubt that they will be struck helpless again. You fight with strength, and with skill. These are two qualities that can be improved upon, with the right effort. If you leave them alive, they feel that they can train, become stronger, until they can win. And they will keep training until they do. Most people don’t know how to fight against my magics, so they recognize the futility of trying. I have never fought the same battle twice.”

Sam stared into his eyes, somewhat shaken by the sincerity and conviction in his voice.

“You,” she said in a whisper,” are an extraordinary man Bobrogonzo. I hope your beliefs don’t get you killed.”

“I hope the same for you, Samantha. You are much braver than I, and stronger. But when you fight, the slightest mistake, the smallest of hesitations could mean your life. If harm were to befall you, it would be most… disagreeable to me.”

Sam released a hand and slipped an arm around his waist as she asked, slyly, “And why is that?”

“I can hear the outcry now. ‘Look! There goes the pervert magician, reanimating beautiful women for his sick pleasures!’ I hate pitchforks.”

Sam smiled, and then stretched to give him a quick kiss.

“You are growing on me, magician,” she said.

Bob glanced quickly at his midsection in mock alarm.

“Not yet, but hold me any tighter and that may no longer be true.”

Sam released him and slapped him playfully on the arm.

“Come on,” she ordered as she quickly exited the laboratory. “We have a meeting to get to.”

Bob watched her depart until she disappeared around a corner.

“Ow,” he said, rubbing his arm where she had slapped him. He smiled and hurried to the banquet hall.

NOTE! This is an ongoing story. If this is your first visit, please read the About This Page link, and then use the Table of Contents links to go the first chapter.

The banquet hall was getting crowded. Sam and her father sat near the King, who was seated at his rightful place at the head of the long table. Lilly and Bob sat facing Sam and Charles, Bob getting acquainted with Sam’s father. A few chairs down, Tink and Rupert sat across from each other, taking turns tossing bits of food into the others mouths. Wanda had taken control of the kitchen, where she could be heard ordering cooks and servants around with an imperious tone. Servants would occasionally erupt from the kitchen door, glancing backwards in either fear or anger.

“So,” Sam asked, “where do we stand?”

All eyes turned to Bob as he cleared his throat politely.

“I have utilized our new spies, and also used magical means of divination in an attempt to gather as much information as possible. I believe that we have, at the most, a month before the kingdom comes under siege.”

“That’s not a lot of time to recruit and train an army,” Charles commented.

“Recruitment has already begun,” Ronald informed the group. “Tink informed me that we could comfortably increase the army’s wages to ten gold pieces a month. I made an announcement to this effect to the entire kingdom, with the hopes that it would increase the number of men signing up voluntarily.”

“It seems to have been effective,” Bob nodded. “We have already seen a jump in new recruits, but I fear that the tax refund may have hampered our efforts in this regard. The people don’t really need the money as much as they did a week ago.”

“We may need to inform the people of the coming attack,” the King offered, “and hope for the best.”

“That could trigger a mass exodus,” Charles warned.

“What if we offered some kind of bonus to new recruits?” Tink asked. “I think we could spare giving a month’s salary in advance.”

“That sounds like it might work,” Charles commented. “What if we did both? Offer the bonus and tell the kingdom what’s coming?”

The group sat in silent contemplation for several minutes. The silence was broken by Lilly’s hand slapping on the hard surface of the table.

“I say we do it!” she declared. “Tell ‘em what’s coming, that we need their help to defend their homes and that we’ll pay ‘em to do it.”

“I think that is the best option,” Charles agreed with his mother. “I still think that more of them will run instead of fight.”

“I’m afraid that is a risk we will have to take,” Ronald said as he stood. “I want to be honest with my people. Charles, I ask you formally, will you consent to lead my army as its General in our hour of need?”

“I wouldn’t have come all this way if I didn’t intend to help, your highness,” Charles answered. “But I give no guarantees as to how long I will stay after this campaign is over.”

“I could not ask more of you, Charles.” The King smiled. “Tink, please place the General on the payroll with a generous compensation.”

A sudden crash emanated from the kitchen, followed by Wanda’s shrill voice screeching in anger.

“And also add my Master of House Wanda as well,” Ronald continued, “with compensation adequate to quell the harpy in her.”

“I hope your treasury is larger than what I have been led to believe,” Charles commented with a wry grin.

Samantha began to laugh, and was soon joined by the rest of the group. The servants did not join in the revelry, as they realized that this meant that Wanda would not be going away any time soon.

“Master Bobrogonzo,” Ronald began as the laughter died down, “would you and the General assist me in preparing yet another proclamation?”

“Certainly,” Bob nodded.

“Samantha, please send notice to the populace for all citizens to gather in the courtyard two days hence.”

“Yes, sir,” Sam said at once. “After that, I will assist the General with the training of the troops.”

The King nodded in agreement.

“All right, then!” Lilly shouted as she bounded to her feet. “Let’s get crackin’! Come on, Ronnie, we got work to do.”

“I thought the King was going to be working on a proclamation with the General and I,” Bob said, a confused look on his face.

“Oh, you the General just put together a rough outline and you can iron out the details with his Kingliness later,” Lilly said as she took Ronald’s arm in a firm grip and started to lead him from the table. “Ronnie and I have several issues that need to be attended too as soon as possible.”

Tink glared at Lilly with a sly eye. “Like what, you lusty old bat?”

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that, Tink.” Lilly ordered before continuing in a slightly dangerous tone. “You have things that need to be done, and so do I.”

Sam sighed. “Just hurry up and get it over with, Grandma.”

“Some things shouldn’t be rushed, Sam.” Lilly said with a wink. “Remind me later to give you a proper education.”

Ronald had been turning deeper and deeper shades of crimson as the conversation carried on, but wisely kept silent.

Charles had been looking from his mother to the king for several seconds before the truth dawned on him. His eyes went round with shock.

“Ma!” he yelled. “What would Dad think?”

“You know as well as I do that your father died in childbirth, Charles.”

“Huh?” asked everyone in the room except Lilly and Charles. Sam was the first to recover enough to ask the obvious question.

“How in the seven hells does the father die during childbirth?”

“Well,” Lilly hesitated, obviously not wanting to share the story with so many people, “He wasn’t the greatest of guys, just really good looking. There was an… incident after a night at the tavern, and I got pregnant. When I started to show, his father made him do the right thing and marry me. He didn’t want to, and that was obvious the further along I got in the pregnancy. As I got rounder, he was gone more often. There was talk around town, and I knew what was going on, but I really couldn’t do much about while I was waddling around pregnant.”

She grabbed the half finished goblet in front of Sam and drained it before continuing.

“The night I was giving birth, I had been in labor for several hours and he wasn’t home, of course. As I got closer, the midwife went to find the father and eventually found him in a dark corner of the tavern with his hand up a wench’s skirt. She made such a fuss at him that he eventually followed her back to the house and listened as the angry midwife told me exactly where and how she found him. He didn’t even have the decency to look ashamed. I got mad, which wasn’t good, since I was in labor and all, and I yelled and screamed at him about how he couldn’t even be home when his child was being born. He told me that there wasn’t anything he could do, and that it didn’t look too hard since I was just laying there.”

She grabbed the flagon of wine and didn’t bother with a glass to take another huge gulp.

“Well?” Tink demanded, not able to take it anymore, “what happened? Don’t quit the story in the middle, woman!”

“It was the midwife’s fault, really,” Lilly answered.

“The midwife killed him?” Bob asked. “How extraordinary.”

“No, the midwife didn’t kill him.”

“Then I am at a loss to understand how…” Bob raised his hands in confusion.

“You don’t, huh?” Lilly shouted as she slammed the flagon back onto the table. “Imagine you are the midwife. You just told a woman in the throes of childbirth that you had found her husband diddling a bar wench, and the husband has just said something really, really stupid. Don’t you think it might be a good idea to get the woman’s sword out of reach?”

There was a stunned silence.

“You killed him?” Sam asked, horrified at her family history.

“Chucked my sword and skewered him to the wall in the same moment I popped out Charles, here.” Lilly answered proudly. “I created a life in the same instant I took one. I had never felt so powerful in my life.”

Charles made a show of wiping an imaginary tear from his eye.

“That story gets me, every time,” he said, voice dripping sarcasm. “It’s just so romantic!”

“Oh, shut up, boy,” Lilly ordered her son. “You never lacked for anything but a worthless father. I did right by you.”

“OK, I’ll give you that,” Charles conceded. “I had a pretty good childhood.”

Tink hopped from her chair to the floor.

“Well, I will leave you folks to your happy family memories,” she said. “I have work to do. Hey Charles, send your harpy of a wife to my office so I can go over her new job as Master of the House.”

“Like what?” Charles asked.

“Oh, you know; the usual new job thing. Duties, responsibilities, pay.” Tink answered. “Plus, I need to let her know who’s really running the show around here.”

“You either don’t know my wife,” Charles said with a grin, “Or you are the bravest woman I have ever met. Family excluded, of course. Come on, Sam, let’s go see the troops.”

The Father/Daughter duo was almost to the door when the King called out to them.

“Wait, I should go with you,” he told them. “Otherwise, they won’t recognize your authority. I need to let the army know you are their new General.”

“I’ll tag along, too,” Lilly said as she joined the group. “Bodyguard, and all.”

Bob informed them all that he would be in his laboratory, and nodded a farewell. Tink bounded away, telling a terrified servant in passing that it was her job to tell Wanda that Tink needed to see her.

 NOTE! This is an ongoing story. If this is your first visit, please read the About This Page link, and then use the Table of Contents links to go the first chapter.

“Are you sure about this?” Lilly asked for what seemed to Samantha to be the hundredth time.

Sam reined her horse to a stop in the middle of the road so forcefully that it snorted in protest.

“Have you ever led an army?” She demanded of her grandmother. “Let alone an army into battle?”

“No,” Lilly admitted reluctantly.

“Neither have I, and neither has Bob or Tink or the King. Do you know anyone who has?”

“Just one person.”

“Uh-huh,” Sam nodded. “And who is that person?”

“You know damn well who it is, Sam. My son, your father.”

“And has this conversation sunk into your stubborn skull yet?” Sam asked hotly. “Or do we need to have it another half a dozen times? If we do, let me know now so I can start thinking of another way to say it so you get it.”

“I’m sorry, Samantha,” Lilly said with a heavy sigh. “I guess I am just a bit nervous about this, is all.”

Anger fought with confusion in Sam’s mind until confusion won out.

“Nervous?” she asked. “I didn’t see you look nervous when we were facing fifty men in a bar. What is it about seeing Dad that makes you nervous?”

“I’m not nervous about seeing your father,” Lilly said. “It’s your mother.”

“My mother?”

“Do you know what it’s like to sit quietly and listen to veiled insults and blatant criticism of every aspect of your life, knowing that you can’t kill the person doing it?”

Sam thought a moment, envisioning the scene.

“Mmm, Yeah. OK. I see your point,” she admitted. “Now that you bring it up, I doubt Mom will be very cordial to either of us. I haven’t spoken to her since I left.”

The two women resumed their ride down the dusty road, family resemblance showing in the way the nervously chewed their lower lip. The horses crested a low hill and the women looked into the dale at the family farm.

“There he is,” Sam said with a nod of her chin towards the small field.

“Yeah, I see him,” Lilly said as she stood up in the stirrups. “Any sign of the harridan… I mean, your mother?”

“She’s probably in the house. There’s smoke coming from the chimney.”

Sam clicked her tongue at her horse and gave its ribs a gentle prod. Lilly hesitated a moment, then urged her horse to follow Sam down the hill. As they approached the freshly tilled field, Sam’s father turned at the sound of hooves. He pulled the mule to a stop as his eyes narrowed towards to approaching figures. He gave a glad cry as he watched the women dismount.

“Sam!”

He ran towards the fence dividing the field from the road, heavy boots kicking up clods of dirt. Lilly, who had been mostly hidden from his view stepped out from behind her horse. The man slid to a stop several yards from the fence, his mouth hanging open in shock.

“By the Gods,” he breathed.

“Hello, Charles,” Lilly said in a formal tone. “You look well.”

“Mother,” he returned the greeting, matching her tone. “I thought you were dead.”

“Not hardly.”

“It’s… good to see you,” Charles said cautiously. He turned to face his daughter. “What brings you home, Sam?”

“We need a favor, a big one.”

“What kind of favor?” Charles asked suspiciously.

Sam glanced at Lilly, who met her gaze and shrugged. Sam took a deep breath.

“We need to come with us to a Kingdom not far from here and train its army,” she said quickly. “Then we need you to lead that army into battle to defend the Kingdom.”

Charles stared at his daughter for several seconds, and then looked to his mother. Lilly merely nodded at him. Without another word, Charles turned on his heel and marched to the house. The door slammed behind him.

“Well,” Lilly said sarcastically, “he sure seemed excited.”

Sam glared at her before following her father to the house. She paused for a moment at the door before opening it and entering. Lilly gave a deep sigh, and then followed.

Charles was seated in a large chair in front of a roaring fire. Sam’s mother stood in the kitchen, holding a motionless spoon over a mixing bowl on the table. She was rapidly looking back and forth between her husband and daughter, and then saw her mother-in-law enter the house.

Sam placed herself between her father and the fireplace before kneeling down to her fathers’ eye level. “Daddy?”

Charles said nothing, looking past Sam into the dancing flames. Lilly walked in and stood behind Sam, her arms crossed. After several minutes, Charles finally looked up into his mothers face.

“Did it ever occur to you,” he demanded, “that I did not tell my family about my past for a reason?”

“We’ve been down this road before, Charles,” Lilly said. “I understood your reasons for abandoning the life you had, but I have never understood why you chose to hide it.”

“Because I didn’t want my wife and children to be ashamed of me!” He exploded. “If they knew the things I have done, if they knew the things I have seen, I would have no wife! I would have no children!”

Sam stood and looked at her father, the truth finally erupting in an epiphany.

“But you have already told us, haven’t you?” she asked quietly. “All those stories, all the tales you told at night in front of this fire… You saw them all happen, didn’t you?”

“You only heard the parts I could bear to tell,” Charles said, not meeting his daughter’s eyes. “I never told about the grim truth of war. I never told about the slaughters, the screams of dying men.” He paused. “I never told you, because I was ashamed of myself, and I couldn’t bear the thought of my family being ashamed of me, too.”

Lilly was suddenly in motion, pushing past Sam so forcefully she was knocked to one side. She grabbed her son by his rough tunic and hauled him to his feet. Her nose almost touched his before she began to speak in an angry snarl.

“You haven’t listened to me for twenty years, but by the Gods, you will listen now! I have wandered all across these lands for years, and I have heard a lot of tales and listened to a lot of bards. No one knew who I was, just an anonymous warrior woman, drinking in the tavern. Since you never told me what you had done with your life, I had to find out about it from strangers. It took years, but I finally believe that I have the whole story.”

She pushed Charles away and he stumbled back into his chair.

“You worked for a good King,” She began. “The army you led never once invaded another country; you were defense, not offense. Your men had the utmost respect for you and your integrity. The only enemies who died by your army did so on land you were defending. You were a great leader, and all who served with you honor you.”

“Do the men who died under my command honor me?” Charles demanded. “Do the widows and orphans of my slain troops honor me? How could they?”

Lilly scowled as she took a step towards her son. Suddenly, she slapped him across the face, hard. A gasp erupted from the kitchen and Samantha stared in shock.

“Yes!” Lilly screamed. “They do! I’ve talked to them! I’ve seen their tears as they thought of their fallen loved ones, and I have seen their tears of pride when they talk about what they accomplished. None of them, not a single solitary one, ever said anything about blaming the General.”

She glared at Charles, who would not meet her eyes.

“The only person who blames you,” she concluded softly, “is you.”

Silence filled the little cottage, the only sound came from the rattling pot lid over the fire. Samantha’s mother entered and removed the pot from the heat. She turned to face her husband and opened her mouth as if to speak. She closed it without a sound and hurried from the room.

Charles heaved a deep sigh, and finally raised his eyes to his mother.

“So what king of mess have you gotten my little girl into?” he asked.

“A cliché,” Lilly answered with a smile. “Evil Prince, evil Chancellor, evil Magician. We uncovered their evil plot, and the King booted ‘em out. They took the best troops and are probably coming back to try and take over the Kingdom. The only defense is a big castle and a bunch of angry peasants.”

“Well, hell, Ma,” Charles said with a forced smile. “I thought you said you had a problem.”

Samantha’s mother entered the room carrying a large blanket, which she draped over Sam’s shoulders. Sam looked up at her in surprise.

“You looked cold, dear,” she explained.

“Mom, with that fire going I was already breaking a sweat. What could have possibly made you think I could be cold?”

“I just thought you might be a little chilly, is all.”

“I’m fine, mother.” Sam said as she started to remove the blanket.

“I am just concerned about you getting a cold; I really think that you should…”

“Leave the girl be, Wanda” Charles interrupted. “I better have some details about what you two are facing.”

Between the two of them, Lilly and Sam related the events that had led them to the small farm. Unnoticed, Wanda slipped quietly down the hallway into a back room. When the tale had been told, Charles sat in silent contemplation. Wanda emerged from the dark room, dragging a heavy trunk behind her.

“I found some of your old clothes, Samantha,” she said, opening the trunk and removing a frilly dress. “Why don’t you go see if they still fit?”

“What the hell are you doing?” Lilly asked angrily. “Can’t you see we have more important things to discuss than fashion? What she has is fine!”

“Oh!” Wanda raised her eyebrows in surprise. “I’m sorry; I didn’t realize she had more clothes. Are you washing them in the creek while you talk?”

“I’m wearing my clothes, Mom,” Samantha answered between her teeth.

Wanda looked her daughter up and down for several seconds. “Are you sure that you wouldn’t like to try some of these on? I’m sure that some of them might be a bit snug, but should still fit.”
Sam looked at her father, who shrugged.

“Why do you think they would be snug?” Sam asked in a dangerous voice. “And why are you so insistent on me putting on those clothes?”

“Well, dear,” Wanda answered in a placating tone, “I can see that you aren’t the size you used to be.”

“You think I’m fat?” she demanded. She rounded on her father. “She thinks I’m fat!”

Charles smiled and said nothing. Sam turned to her grandmother.

“Am I fat?” She demanded.

“Now, now, Samantha,” Wanda chided. “I never said you’re fat, and I don’t think you’re fat. But you have filled out in some areas since you wore these clothes.”

“So why do you want me to take my old clothes?”

“Well, dear, I know you are a very proud girl, and that you would never accept any kind of charity. So I thought that since these are already your clothes, it wouldn’t be charity.  I can’t think of any reason other than you not having any clothes that would cause you to roam the countryside in your underwear.”

“These are my clothes,” Sam shouted, “not underwear!”

“Don’t worry, dear, we won’t tell anyone,” Wanda said consolingly. “And I am just certain that things will improve for you and you will be able to afford some very lovely dresses.”

“Ugh!” Sam snorted in disgust, dismissing her mother to look at Charles. “Dad, are you going to be able to help us out?”

“He most certainly will not!” Wanda answered for her husband. “We should have a good harvest this year. We will have enough for us and be able to sell the rest and finally get some new furniture to replace this old stuff I am forced to suffer with.”

Sam looked at the cottages furnishings. “This isn’t the same stuff that was here when I left,” she observed.

“That was ages ago Samantha,” Wanda said dismissively. “Your father will not be going off with you and your unstable grandmother to get killed in some ridiculous war that has nothing to do with us, and that’s final!”

“Wanda,” Charles argued, “It sounds as if that kingdom could use the help. No one should be forced to live under the rule of a bad King, and it appears that is exactly what they will have if this Prince gets his way.”

“And just what will you do to help?” Wanda demanded. “You were a dirt farmer that became and soldier and now you are a dirt farmer again. What will you do? Teach them to plant?”

“You never told her the whole story either?” Lilly asked her son.

Charles shook his head at her before continuing his argument with his wife.

“I really think I could help them, Wanda.” He said. “And Sam has asked for my help for the first time in her life.”

“I said that it was final,” Wanda stated, crossing her arms firmly across her chest. “You are going to stay here, get the crops in and buy some new furniture. I also need some new clothes so I can look nice when we go to town. And Samantha should be offering to help you, not asking for your help.”

“Well,” Charles said with a wink at Sam, “I guess that’s that. It looks like you two wasted a trip.”

“What!?” Lilly demanded, “Don’t tell me you are going to let this little money grubbing…”

“OK, Dad,” Sam interrupted. “I guess we better head back to the palace. I hope the servants haven’t done too much to prepare for your arrival.”

“Palace?” Wanda asked quietly.

“Please tell them that I am sorry, if they have,” Charles said.

“I sure don’t want to be the one to tell the artisans,” Lilly said, finally catching on. “They sure have been working hard on the suite. And that bed! Just what they had done before we left was incredible!”

“All that expensive wood, gone to waste,” Sam said, watching her mother closely. “Mahogany is so hard to come by these days.”

“I’m sure the King can find someone to take it,” Sam said as she turned towards the door. “He was just going to give it to Dad when this was all over anyway.”

“Charles,” Wanda began, “Perhaps I have been a bit selfish. You have been working awfully hard lately, and I feel a bit guilty about not letting you go.”

She paused, her gaze fixed on the floor.

“I only hope nothing happens to me while you are away at the palace,” her voice trembled with false emotion.

“You could come with us and stay at the Palace,” Charles told her.

“No, no,” she protested, “I wouldn’t want to be a bother. You will be so busy being a general that I would just get in the way.”

“The palace servants will keep you occupied,” Lilly countered. “All those people who have just been waiting for someone like you to boss them around. You two get packing while Sam and I try to scare up a wagon to take us all to Rom.”

“If you think that’s what’s best,” Wanda said, “then I guess that’s what we should do. What about Rupert? Will he be coming along as well?”

“Oh, yeah. Rupert.” Charles said. “We better, otherwise he’ll probably forget to eat for a week again.”

“Rupert’s still here?” Sam asked. “Where is my big brother?”

“Probably down at the creek again,” Charles sighed. “He’s been collecting turtles lately. Except, there is only one turtle in the creek. He catches it, brings it home and forgets about it, then it makes it’s way back to the creek. After a couple of days, Rupert catches ‘another’ turtle and brings it home. That turtle is getting really pissed off. Rupert almost lost a finger the other day.”

“He didn’t get any smarter, huh?” Sam asked with a frown.

“Nope.” Charles answered. “Just bigger, stronger, and better looking. The boy can carry a colt, but has no idea why he picked it up in the first place. I’ll go find him. Wanda, you start getting us ready to go.”

Sam and Lilly rode into town and purchased a wagon and a matched pair of draft horses using the expense money Tink had provided. “Get a receipt and bring it back or its coming out of your pay,” she had admonished. When they pulled up to the house, Charles was shaking hands with a neighbor.

“Jeb here is going to run the place while we’re away,” he explained. “If we’re gone all season, he will store food for us and keep the rest as payment.”

A huge figure appeared in the doorway, legs like tree trunks visible beneath a monstrous wooden chest. The chest was wider than the door, and it slammed into the frame with a boom. The legs staggered back a step, and then repeated the process. Charles sighed and started walking towards the door.

“Just a second, son,” he said as he walked through a rain of straw knocked from the thatched roof by a third bang.

Charles stepped behind his son and placed his hands on the huge shoulders. He pivoted his son a quarter turn and gave him a push sideways through the door.

“Thanks, Dad,” Rupert said in a deep voice as he walked sideways all the way to the cart. He tossed the chest into the bag of the wagon, causing the horses to toss their heads in alarm.

“Sam!” he cried, spotting his sister. He ran forward and lifted her into a great bear hug. Sam winced and tolerated the embrace for a moment, the pushed herself away.

“It’s good to see you, Rupert,” she said. “Meet your Grandma”

“H’lo, Ma’am,” Rupert said with a blush before disappearing back into the house.

“He doesn’t do well with strangers,” Charles explained. “If he could, he would still hide behind his mother’s apron when meeting new people.”

Rupert continued loading trunk after trunk onto the wagon while Charles took care of last minute details.

“I have just one more thing to fetch,” he said. “Sam, come help me out, would you?”

He led her to the barn and walked immediately to the familiar stall. He once again nudged aside the piles of straw, just as he had with Samantha so many years ago.

“I remember when you showed me this,” she said.

“Well, I didn’t show you everything.”

He pulled the hidden door open and rummaged inside until he found what he was looking for. He removed a large bundle and handed it to Sam before reaching in again.

“What’s this?” Sam asked, examining the burlap wrapped package.

“Something I thought I would never need again,” he answered, “but could never bring myself to get rid of.”

He pulled two more bundles from the hole before standing and kicking the compartment shut again. He opened the larger of the two to reveal a massive shield. He handing this to Sam, then carefully began to remove the leather bindings from the other. In moments, he slid a long broadsword from the wrappings and held it up in the dim light. Sam gasped. It seemed to gather all the light around and reflect it back at her eye, so bright that she almost could not look directly at it. Flashes of color blazed from the hilt, precious stones surrounding the guard and hilt.

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed.

“As beautiful as an instrument of death can be,” her father agreed, sliding the blade into a scabbard attached to the shield. He took the sword and shield from Sam’s hand and set them aside. He took her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes.

“I’m proud of you, Samantha,” he said. “Very proud.”

Sam said nothing, not sure what words would be appropriate, and not entirely certain that she would be able to speak around the sudden lump in her throat. Charles pulled her into an embrace, and she suddently found that she needed no words. Holding her, Charles whispered into her ear.

“I’ve heard about you since you left. I still have a few friends from the old days that are good enough to keep my secret. But they tell me about what happens outside of this farm. You act with honor, and integrity, and word of things like that spread around. You’ve done me proud, and any doubts I may have once had about sending you down this path have been eliminated from my mind. I’m proud of you, and I love you very much.”

He gave her a quick tight squeeze that almost took her breath away before releasing her.

“Enough sappy stuff,” he told her in a gruff voice. “We’ve got a kingdom to save!”

Moments later, the fully loaded wagon was on its way to Rom.

NOTE! This is an ongoing story. If this is your first visit, please read the About This Page link, and then use the Table of Contents links to go the first chapter.

The populace had started to gather in the courtyard when the suns rays broke the horizon. As the crowd grew, so did the volume of the murmuring until it was loud enough to be heard by the King and the companions as they peered through a crack in the curtains.

“I hope those aren’t your best kingly robes there, Ronnie.” Tink added.

“It would appear that your assessment of my popularity was accurate, mage,” said the King, a slight beading of sweat appearing beneath the crown.

“It is our intention to change that,” Bob responded. “Just stick with the speech that we rehearsed.”

“It’s time,” Sam stated as she parted the curtains and stepped confidently onto the balcony overlooking the courtyard.

Tink followed, dragging a chair noisily across the stone floor. She positioned it next to Sam and quickly climbed to it seat where she stood, glaring down at the crowd as if daring them to throw vegetables at her. Bob and Lilly took up positions on the other side of the balcony, leaving the center position open for the King.

Ronald wiped his brow with his cuff, and squared his shoulders before striding confidently to the railing. He ignored the jeers and catcalls from the crowd as he turned to Bob and gave a slight nod. Bob raised a finger, and the King’s voice was magically amplified, overpowering the restless crowd.

“Good citizens of Rom!” He cried. “I owe you an apology.”

“Damn right!” a voice erupted from the sudden silence. Other voices rose in agreement. Ronald waited a moment, giving the crowd time to quiet down.

“For too long,” he continued, “I have allowed the Kingdom’s affairs to be directed by my Chancellor, and my son. As a result, you have suffered while I failed to notice your plight. The people standing beside me opened my eyes to the condition of my Kingdom, and its people. They have also shown me those responsible. As a result, I have banished from this Kingdom the Chancellor, the Court Magician, and also, my son.”

The crowd fell into a stunned silence. Ronald waited a moment for the information to sink in before continuing.

“In their place, I have appointed these people to oversee several plans to bring the Kingdom into its former glory. First on the agenda is Tink, the new exchequer.”

Tink cleared her throat to speak and winced as it was magnified by Bob’s spell. She glared at him momentarily and was met with an apologetic shrug.

“I have reviewed the state of the Kingdoms finances and discovered evidence showing how you were wronged. You have been overtaxed; your food has been confiscated while you starve. The King has authorized me to offer tax rebates to all of you. The King recognizes that gold will not fill your bellies, so the first order of business is to grant you all full access to the Kingdom’s food stores. When you leave today, you may assemble at the storage bins and take what you need.”

The low murmuring began anew, punctuated by a smattering of hesitant applause.

“In addition to the food, the King has also authorized me to grant each family a tax rebate of one hundred gold pieces.”
The reaction to this news was more enthusiastic. Tink had to wait several minutes before she was able to be heard, even with her magically amplified voice.

“Representatives will be coming to your homes over the next several days to disperse your refunds.”

The enthusiasm suffered a moderate blow as the crowd realized they wouldn’t be getting any gold today. Tink stepped back from the railing as Bob stepped forward.

“People of Rom!” He called. “I am not a native of your country. I am not a citizen. I have not suffered as you have. I have, however, seen the evidence of the injustice you have suffered. I have made a series of proposals to the King for improvements that can be made to the Kingdom to ease your burden. The roads that lead from your homes to the town center will be repaired. New roads will be constructed. These improvements will make it easier for you to buy and sell your goods. The King has told me that your assistance will be required, as well as your patience. Those persons able to work on the construction of the roads will be paid a wage for their work.”

There was no cheering to interrupt Bob, and he continued.

“The King has also reviewed the condition of his army, and has appointed the task of restructuring the troops to Samantha and Lillith.”

Bob vacated the center spot with a deferential hand to the warrior women.

“Your army has gone too long without adequate training,” Sam said without preamble. “We are going to change that.”

A smattering of laughter circled the crowd. One grizzled farmer, pitchfork in hand, was laughing harder than the rest.

“What in the hell could a couple of washer-women teach an army?” he asked the crowd. “That the uniforms ain’t pretty enough? How to get bloodstains out in the wash?”

Lilly moved in a blur, and a loud “twang” erupted from her frenzied motion. The old farmer took a sudden stumble backwards. His eyes locked on the arrow suddenly bisecting the handle of his pitchfork.

“You might be surprised as what we ‘washer women’ can teach you,” Sam continued in the silence. “The most important thing we can teach you is how to make sure the bloodstains you are washing out aren’t your own. This Kingdom will once again be worth fighting for, the King has made that promise. I promise that the army will be trained to not only fight for the kingdom, but to win. If you want to learn how to fight for your country, your land and yourselves, the army will pay you to learn. If you’re interested, find a member of the army and they will get you signed up.”

Sam stepped away and the King resumed the position.

“I have wronged you, good people of Rom,” he said sadly. “I do not mean to make gifts of tax rebates and food stuffs to gain your trust and favor, I intend to earn both. All I ask is that you give me a chance to redeem myself in your eyes. I pledge to you now, that with the help of these good people, and with your assistance, I will be the best King I can be, and you will once again be the citizens of the greatest kingdom on earth!”

Ronald waited, obviously hoping for cheers, but was disappointed. The crowd began to slowly disperse, most moving in the direction of the food stores. The rumble of conversation once again rose to the balcony.

Without a word, King Ronald turned and walked into the castle, his head hung low.

*          *          *

The companions found the King seated at the banquet table.

“That could have gone better,” he said with a sigh.

“It could have gone a lot worse, too,” Sam told him with a slight rebuke in her voice.

“Yeah,” Tink piped in. “You didn’t get pelted with any of that rotten produce they were packing.”
“Celebrate every victory, no matter how small,” Bob advised, one finger raised.

“He sure does that an awful lot,” Tink said in a loud whisper to Sam, gesturing over shoulder at Bob with her thumb.

“Does what?” Sam asked, in the same whisper.

“Spouts off things like that. He’s always got some big, mysterious saying about everything,” Tink answered. “I wonder where he read that.”

“Hush,” Sam ordered, grinning. “He wants us to think that he is very wise.”

Bob faced the women, grinning.

“I’ll have you both know that I am, in fact, very wise, as opposed to just being a wise ass like some elves I could mention.”

“Then how come you never do anything wise?” Tink asked.

“Like using the same spell I used on the prince to make you less of a nuisance?”

Tink’s eyes flew open wide.

“You wouldn’t!”

“Not permanently, no,” Bob said as he stepped forward and mussed Tinks hair.

“Cut that out,” Tink ordered as she stepped away and tried to straighten her unruly hair. “Besides, no matter how small you make me, I can still annoy you.”

“Of that, I have no doubt,” Bob said with a laugh. “A person’s worth is not measured by their stature, but by their spirit. In your case, it makes you a giant.”

“He’s doing it again…” Tink whispered to Sam.

King Ronald interrupted the exchange with a throat clearing cough.

“How long do you think we should wait before telling the people about the probable attack?”

“That depends on how long we have before it is likely to happen,” Lilly answered. “I hope that we have at least a couple of weeks.”

“Sam has recommended a handful of candidates for scouting and spy work,” Bob told the King. “I am testing will be testing their loyalty to the Kingdom tomorrow, and dispatching them as soon as possible.”

“That one farm boy is the best woodsman I have ever seen,” Sam said. “He could track a mouse through a pile of dry leaves and the mouse would never know he was coming.”

“So,” Lilly said with a sly glance at the King, “It appears that we have some free time.”

“They do,” Sam countered, “you and I don’t.”

“What?” Lilly shouted. “Why the hell not?”

“We have some recruiting to do,” Sam answered, “and it’s going to take both of us to get it done.”

“But I thought we weren’t going to do a massive recruiting effort yet?” Ronald asked.

“Not the locals,” Sam answered. “I have a special recruit in mind.”

“Who?” demanded every person seated at the table.

Sam smiled at her grandmother.

“Sometimes,” she said, “a girl just needs her daddy.”

NOTE! This is an ongoing story. If this is your first visit, please read the About This Page link, and then use the archive links to go the first post and read backwards.

Palace servants woke the group shortly after sunrise the next morning and informed them that the King had requested that they join him for breakfast. They agreed and were soon seated in the same positions as the night before.

“Good morning,” the King offered. “Please have something to eat.”

Plates were filled, mugs of coffee steamed and Tink chewed noisily.

“Your Majesty,” Bob began.

“Please, Magician,” the King interrupted with a smile, “kindly hold any continuation of last nights conversation until after I have had a chance to eat. You put me off my meal last night and I fear that if you continue, it may happen again and I am starving. Please allow me the chance to enjoy my meal, if you please.”

“Of course, your Majesty,” Bob returned the smile and turned his attention to his own meal.

The King asked many questions of the group as they ate, wondering where they grew up and their backgrounds. He listened with rapt attention to the tale of how the group came to be traveling together. After many stories, and more food, the King leaned back in his chair with a satisfied sigh and patted his stomach.

“If you are now ready to continue our discussion?” Bob asked.

“We can wait until Tink has concluded her meal, the King protested.

Bob looked at the elf who had just filled her plate for the fourth time.

“I’m afraid we don’t have that amount of time,” Bob said. “If we were to allow it, Tink would have your staff so busy with her breakfast that they wouldn’t have time to prepare your dinner.”

Tink nodded as she reached for a loaf of bread.

“In that case,” the King began, “I have a boon to ask of you.”

“Boon?” Tink asked, spraying bread crumbs, “What the hell is a boon?”

“I think it’s a bird,” Lilly told her. “Big thing, lives by marshes.”

“That’s a loon,” Sam corrected her grandmother, “The King is asking us for a favor.”

“Then why didn’t he just say so?” Tink demanded.

“He did, Tink,” Bob told her. “Please continue, your Majesty.”

“I formally request your assistance in the protection of my kingdom, as well as my person, from what would seem to be an imminent attack.”

Bob and Sam exchanged looks, silently informing each other that their positions had not changes with the new day.

“We discussed this last night after you went to bed, your Highness,” Sam informed the King. “We were mostly in agreement that we would offer such assistance.”

“Mostly?” asked the King, one eyebrow raised.

“Unanimously,” stated Lilly, drawing smiles from the other three.

“You have no idea how grateful I am,” the King sighed, visibly deflating. “I seriously had no idea what the hell I was going to do.”

Bob blinked in surprise. The King noted his shocked expression and chuckled.

“It may surprise you to know that underneath the crown sits a man like any other,” he told them, “subject to the same emotions, fallacies and, on occasion, expressions as any other. So first things first, lets dispense with all this ‘your highness, your majesty’ bullshit. Call me Ronald.”

“Um… Yes, sir.” Bob stammered, deliberately avoiding the honorific, but unable to keep the deferential tone from his voice. “If I may, are you trying to tell us that you were unable to form any kind of plan to protect your kingdom?”

“My mind raced most of the night,” the King confessed, “but for all its racing, it got nowhere. I am open to suggestions. In fact, I am hoping for suggestions.”

The group exchanged uneasy glances. They had agreed, but they had not considered any possible solutions.

“We defined the problems last night,” Sam said. “Now we just need to find solutions for those problems. So, the first problem; the enemy has an army, you don’t.”

“As I see it,” Lilly said, “the only way to get an army on short notice is to recruit your citizens. Either that, or hire one. But I hate hiring armies; they will turn their back on you for a higher bidder.”

“That would bring us to problem two,” the King said. “The citizens hate me.”

“That’s because they have no food or money,” Tink said around a mouthful of food. “You have it all.”

“That could be accurate,” the King nodded. “I left the Chancellor in charge of the treasury so long ago, I really don’t know the state of the kingdoms finances.”

“I would place that on the list of problems to be solved,” Bob said. “Unfortunately, I can offer no assistance in the matters of finance, having no experience. Do you have any others in your employ that may be able to take over those duties?”

“I checked before breakfast,” the King answered. “It appears that those working in the treasury under the Chancellor have either departed with him, or left because they knew what was coming. In either case, the answer to your question is no.”

Bob looked at Sam, who shook her head.

“Don’t look at me,” Lilly answered before she could be asked. “Until last night, I’ve never had enough money to keep track of.”

Bob looked at Tink, who was focusing on her plate, not meeting his eye.

“The finances will just have to wait,” the King stated, “at least until the current crisis is over.”

“I do not believe that we will be able to weather the current crisis without dealing with the finances,” Bob countered. “In order to secure the loyalty of the populace, you will have to provide them with food and tax rebates. Otherwise, they may not see that they have anything to fight for.”

“Then what am I to do?” The King exploded, throwing his hands above his head. “I cant fight for my kingdom without money, and I cant take the time to find a financier because of the coming fight!”

Tink sighed, deeply.

“Hang on a minute, Ronny,” she said. “I’ll take care of the budget and the tax rebates.”

There was a stunned silence as all eyes focused on the elf. She met their stares defensively.

“What?” she demanded. “Before I met Sam, I was forced by my father to be educated. I did exceptionally well at accounting, so that is what I studied. It was easiest. Then Father put me to work as an accountant, which is why I wound up running off and meeting up with Sam.”

“Well,” Bob broke the silence, “yet another astoundingly useful skill from our diminutive friend. My dear Tink, you are a constant source of amazement.”

Now that the cat’s out of the bag,” Tink answered, blushing, “why don’t you get someone to show me to the treasury? I hope that miserable snake kept books.”

She stuffed one last fistful of food in her mouth, and hopped from her chair.

“By the way,” she said, smiling at Bob, “My name is from the sound of coins, not bones.”

“Based on Tink’s revelation,” Bob announced, “I now have a plan. Tink, see how much the treasury can afford to hand out as a tax rebate, but keep in mind we have to fund an army as well. King Ronald, you will announce a proclamation for tomorrow. There you will announce that the food stores are open immediately, and a tax rebate is forthcoming. You will also announce the formation of an army.”

“What can I do?” Lilly asked.

“Protect the King.” Bob ordered. “You are now his personal body guard until we can obtain some loyal troops to do the job. I shall be in charge of gathering intelligence information regarding the movements of our adversaries through both traditional means, as well as magical divination. Samantha, please see if you can find some persons gifted in the art of stealth.”

There was silence as everyone evaluated Bobs plan.

“I don’t hear any objections,” the King stated, “so I will send messengers to every town square to post notices that the kingdom is to gather in the courtyard tomorrow morning for a proclamation. After that, go door to door and tell everyone. Someone show the new Chancellor of the Exchequer to the treasury.”

“Your Highness,” Bob started, and the King gave him a sharp glance, “Sorry… Ronald, it may help matters if I had access to a laboratory.”

“I will have someone show you to the former mages lab,” Ronald replied. “It should suffice; the Gods know he demanded enough space for it.”

“I need to see the armory,” Sam said, “and whatever troops remain need to be assembled so I can look them over. Could someone point me to the garrison?”

The King summoned attendants, and Sam, Bob and Tink departed, leaving the King and Lilly alone at the table.

“So,” Lilly began, looking slyly at the King, “I guess I get to guard your body for you.”

The King looked around cautiously, making sure no one remained in the dining hall.

“And how, exactly,” he asked, “Do you intend to guard it?”

“Well,” Lilly answered, standing up and inhaling deeply, “I was thinking of lying on top of it.”

“That would seem to be an effective method,” the King replied, standing to take Lilly’s hand. “I should have offered you a different reward, I think.”

Lilly let out a guffaw.

“That would almost, but not quite sufficed” she said. “But I wont charge anything for defending the kingdom. How’s that?”

“A genuine bargain for me.”

*          *          *

The sun was setting over the mountains in the distance when the group once again gathered in the Dining Hall for dinner.

“It was just like I expected,” Sam reported, “The best of the troops disappeared overnight, probably to join the Chancellor. There are a few of the men who remain loyal that are very good soldiers and leaders.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” the King said.

“Don’t get your hopes up too high, Ronald,” Sam cautioned. “Your army is still very outmanned and under trained. They can fight, but I don’t know how long it would take to get them good enough to deal with the troops that abandoned you.”

“Luckily,” Tink interrupted with a smile, “the kingdoms finances aren’t in quite as bad of shape. The Chancellor had been hoarding the gold, and overpaying a select few people to retain their loyalty, but he was greedy enough to keep track of everything in doctored books. He worked hard to get lots and lots of money into the treasury, and from that he was building a small personal fortune. But he wasn’t as good at doctoring books as I am reading them.”

“So where does the kingdom sit financially?” asked the King

“As long as the population data in the books is accurate, we can give each family a tax rebate of about a hundred gold pieces each. That will leave a healthy amount of money in the treasury for day to day operations as well as providing a salary for the army to make it tempting to join up.”

“I’m impressed, Tink,” Bob smiled. “I will have to remember in the future to not limit my thinking. I had thought of you as ‘just’ a thief.”

“A thief and an accountant aren’t that far off in their professions,” Tink said, blushing at the compliment. “Ask anyone in either profession and they will probably tell you they started in the other. Or, they’re both.”

“So we can raise an army,” Ronald said with a relieved sigh. “Good.”

“It will have to be done very carefully, Ronald,” Bob cautioned.  “Do not forget, you may not be very popular with your subjects. We can discuss that later. Your former magician kept an impressive array of books, potions and reagents at his disposal, and now they are at mine. I should be able to add considerable force to whatever army Sam is able to gather. In addition, I will be able to create additional troops of Undead. My only concern is your people. If they are superstitious about them, it may be better to not use them. Otherwise, we face our own regular army fleeing from their supporters.”

Ronald nodded, and they ate in silence for several minutes.

“We haven’t heard anything from you yet, Grandma,” Sam said. “Have you uncovered any plots or attempts on the King?”

“I can accurately state that the Kings body is safe and sound. Very sound, in fact.”

“Ahem!” interjected Ronald quickly. “So how do we go about raising the army?”

Tink expelled bread crumbs across the table as she stifled a laugh. Bob spoke to cover the noise.

“The best first step is the opening of the storehouse. Hopefully, that announcement tomorrow will raise your subjects spirits. You should also announce the tax rebate, but I would withhold any information concerning the expected coup attempt at this time. You should announce what you have found out regarding the three conspirators, and their expulsion from the kingdom. After a period of time, providing things go well with the populace after the rebates and an army has been established, you can announce the possibility of attack from the expatriates.”

“And how long a period of time do you anticipate?” asked Ronald.

“That is very difficult to estimate without information that can be provided by scouts and magical means. I can begin attempting to use my talents to gain some information, but I am expecting those attempts to be hampered by Norman. That is why I requested Samantha provide talented individuals for provide the same information via non-magical methods.”

“I would appreciate any estimate, no matter how ill informed.”

Bob sighed. “Without knowing the personalities of those banished any better than I do, I would estimate a few weeks, at the extreme. If they have been sufficiently angered towards retribution, the may be motivated to attack much sooner. Much of it depends upon the ability of our adversary to gather the required forces and supplies.”

The King stood and nodded. “Tomorrow morning is the proclamation,” he told them. “We should all get a good nights sleep, for I feel that we will all be very busy come the new day.”

“Agreed,” Bob said as he stood and gave a bow to the departing King.

The King stopped in the doorway and turned to face them all once again.

“I must once again offer my deepest thanks to each of you,” he said, meeting each of their gazes in turn. He offered Lilly a slight bow, a wink and a head gesture towards the royal chambers.

“I gotta go check on something,” Lilly said as she rushed out the door behind the King.

Sam, Bob and Tink all looked at each other knowingly, then burst into stifled giggles.

NOTE! This is an ongoing story. If this is your first visit, please read the About This Page link, and then use the archive links to go the first post and read backwards.

The King led Lilith away, and the rest of the group was led to chambers to clean themselves after their journey. Eventually, a palace attendant gathered them in the dining hall. Tink wasted no time upon entering the room, and bounded to a chair and began piling a plate high with food. The rest of the group found seats surrounding the Kind at the head of the table. They all selected from the vast array before them before settling down to eat.

“Your Highness,” Bob began after sampling the roast pheasant on his plate, “while I applaud your actions in handling the treachery you found in your own castle, I fear the consequences.”

The King placed his large turkey leg on his plate and chewed thoughtfully for several moments.

“Elaborate, if you would, mage.”

“Your Highness, I do not personally know your former Chancellor, and my experience with your son is, if you will pardon the pun, short,” Bob answered. “Unfortunately, my association with Norman is more intimate. His being in this kingdom was not the result of chance, he had a plan. Norman historically does not give up his prizes easily.”

“Then it is your opinion that he will return to this kingdom to exact some sort of vengeance?”

“I do,” Bob answered, nodding. “In addition, I do not believe that vengeance will be his sole purpose. He will attempt to regain the power he has lost. I also fear that he will not be alone in his endeavor.”

Bob paused for a moment to allow the implications to sink in before continuing.

“We have already seen that Prince Don has a number of men loyal to him outside of the kingdom. Lilly has told us of an elite army with their loyalty to the Chancellor. Norman, although he possesses a large number of character flaws, does also possess a significant command of the magical arts. This is a formidable opposition, and I do not think it would be wise to take your son’s parting threat lightly.”

Silence fell over the table as everyone realized the truth of Bob’s words. Even Tink had stopped eating mid chew.

“Magician,” the King finally broke the silence, “You paint a very bleak future for my kingdom, as well as me. Do you have any suggestions for these issues, or are you merely attempting to ruin my meal?”

Bob was silent for a moment, brow furrowed in thought. When he spoke, he chose his words carefully.

“Your Highness, without more information regarding the current state of affairs in your kingdom, I hesitate to make any further predictions with any certainty.”

“And yet,” the King countered, “You have made a conjecture.”

“Yes,” Bob answered with a sigh, “I have. But I fear that I may further disrupt your meal if I voice it.”

“A king does not ask if he does not wish to know, mage.”

“We have seen the outlying provinces of your kingdom. The towns and villages showed obvious signs of poverty. The roads were in a terrible state of disrepair. When we entered your courtroom, a man was requesting assistance to feed his family. If one man has the courage to complain to his king, there are likely a dozen more that do not. You, and your court, reside in this rather opulent castle as your people slowly starve. I do not believe that will cause your citizens to have a great deal of loyalty to you.”

“Is there more?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” Bob continued. “I expect that the higher qualified guards and troops have been living lives free of repercussions of any of their actions, have been paid well by the chancellor to keep the populace in fear. Because of this, I have no doubt that they would rather continue under the rule of the Chancellor than you. I believe that by morning, the best of your army will have disappeared, following the trio just banished.”

“Bob,” Tink said after an audible swallow, “As much as I like you, you can be very depressing.”

“Thank you, Tink, but you may wish to hold that statement until I have concluded.”

“You mean this gets worse?” asked the King, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Sam and Lilly nodded as Bob continued.

“Again, sire, it does. Your son may not have lived his life as if he wanted the crown, but he has always expected it. I fear that like any other spoiled brat, he will throw a tantrum when something he perceives as his is taken away.”

“You small companion speaks the truth,” the King sighed, “You depress me. Please dispense with the long winded, although accurate, explanations.”

“You have banished three people who, in one way or another, had planned their future not only on being in this kingdom, but having a substantial control over it. I believe they will return to take your kingdom by force. They have at their disposal the kingdoms highest trained troops, a recognizable royal figure who will be promising a change from the current conditions, and a formidable magician.”

Bob paused for a moment, and locked eyes with the King.

“You have at your disposal a large palace and a bunch of peasant farmers who are not very happy with their King.”

“I was wrong,” Tink commented, glaring at Bob, “You were actually able to get more depressing.”

Silence ruled the table as the travelers looked at the King, who stared at his plate in moody silence. The King suddenly rose to his feet, his chair clattering over behind him.

“If you will excuse me,” he told them with a slight bow of the head, “I believe I will retire for the night. If you require anything, please notify a member of the palace staff.”

In moments, the King was gone, leaving the companions seated at the table staring after him.

“Wow, String Bean, do you do party planning?” Lilly asked. “You sure know how make a great dinner party. And after he paid double what he had promised, too.”

“You heard everything I was telling the King,” Bob retorted, annoyance in his voice, “yet you said nothing to contradict me. Perhaps you would have preferred to take the money and run, but my conscience would not have allowed me to do the same.”

Lilly shot to her feet, clenched fists pressed down against the table in fury.

“Run away?” She snarled through clenched teeth. “Are you calling me a coward?”

“Not a coward,” Bob snarled back, “but perhaps a bit morally ambiguous. No kingdom deserves what I believe is on the horizon for this one, and while I do not take responsibility for it, I know I played my part. Therefore, I feel it is my responsibility to inform the King, and his people in an attempt to lesson the damage done. Free of charge!”

“So now I’m an immoral coward that won’t do the right thing unless she’s paid, is that it?” Lilly demanded in a shout.

Bob had started to rise from his seat in conjunction with the rising volume of Lilly’s voice. He now stood in fury at her verbal onslaught, his outline becoming fuzzy with barely restrained magical energies.

“Lilith,” he said with forced calm, eyes closed, “You are not angry with me, you are angry because you know that I am right. I urge you, for your own sake, to SIT DOWN!!”

As Bob shouted across the table, Lilly took a half step back in shock. Her warrior training took over, and refusing to show weakness in the face of the enemy, she stepped forward until her midsection was pressed against the edge of the table and she was leaning as far in Bob’s direction as was possible without toppling over.

“Mage, nobody talks to me like that, and I mean nobody. I don’t care what you have done for me or my grand-daughter, but you better prepare to defend…”

Her words were cut off abruptly as she suddenly found herself once again seated in her chair. Sam stood behind her, having forcefully propelled the seat behind Lilly’s knees.

“SHUT UP!” Sam ordered her grandmother, cuffing her upside the head with an open palm.

“And you!” She exclaimed, pointing a finger across the table at Bob, “You sit down and get those magics under control!”

Bob did as ordered, looking a bit red faced at Sam’s outburst.

“By the Gods,” Sam muttered, “My grandmother? More like a three year old.”

Lilly had not had an opportunity to calm down, and the insult started to bring her back to her feet. Sam’s hand clapped on her shoulder and kept her in her chair and off balance.

Bob sat with his eyes closed, and a faint buzzing ceased as his outline solidified. A lingering scent of ozone hung over the table.

“Now you two have a choice,” Sam told Bob and Lilly in a much calmer voice, “you can both stay here and get your differences talked out, or you can go out in the courtyard and fight it out. I’m going to go to bed, and tomorrow I will see what I can do to help the King and his kingdom.”

Without another word, she turned and walked rapidly from the dining hall, motioning with a finger for one the quivering servants to lead the way back to her room.

“You both know where I stand,” Tink told them as she stood on her chair, “Always with Sam. But if you decide to go outside, come get me first. I wanna watch.”

She bounded from her chair and followed Sam at a run, her tiny sandaled feet slapping on the marble floor.

Bob and Lilly looked at each other across the table, each chastened in their own way. Finally, Bob broke the silence.

“I suppose that the tension caused me to allow things to get a bit out of hand.” He admitted.

“Yeah, I suppose I did the same,” Lilly offered. “I get riled up pretty quick when I get yelled at by my youngers, and especially when I know they’re right when I don’t want them to be.”

Lilly raised her eyes to look at Bob across the table as she once again stood.

“Between you and Sam, I have been put in my place more times in the past few days than the past few decades. Truce?”

Bob reached across the table and took her proffered hand in his own with a smile.

“A wise man knows the importance of compromise, and graciousness.”

“Just keep in mind,” Lilly said with a wink, “I am much stronger than you are, in case this ever comes up again.”

Cracking and popping noises emerged from the handshake as Lilly increased the pressure of her grip. Bob winced, and then returned the wink.

“And you would be wise to remember that physical strength is not the only kind one should be wary of,” he told her as a spark shot from between his fingers to blossom into crackling branches of energy that chased themselves around their clenched hands.

Lilly gasped in shock, and then broke out into a huge grin. She redoubled her efforts, arm swelling as she poured more effort into crushing Bobs hand. Bob returned the grin as the lightning raced faster and faster around their hands until is was a pulsating glow. Sweat broke out on their brows, and by an unspoken agreement, they released their grips simultaneously, hands flying upwards through the sudden laughter.

After several minutes of hand rubbing and chuckles, Lilly spoke.

“I like you, Bob,” she said. “I am starting to see what Sam sees in you. Get some sleep; we have a kingdom to save tomorrow.”

Bob stared in shock at Lily’s retreating back.

“What Sam sees?” he whispered before calling out to Lilly. “Sleep well, Lilith. It is my pleasure to count you among my few friends.”

NOTE! This is an ongoing story. If this is your first visit, please read the About This Page link, and then use the archive links to go the first post and read backwards.

“Are we there yet?”

Lilly growled deep in her throat as Sam clenched her jaw tightly.

“Tink,” Bob said in a flat voice, “If you ask that question one more time, you will be joining the Prince. And I wont use the potion before stuffing you in the pouch.”

“Well excuse the hell out of me!” Tink exploded. “We have been walking for two days and I have to take twice as many steps as you!”

Lilly stopped and whirled to face Tink. She jabbed a finger in her face.

“You’ve been whining and riding our ass…”

“And the donkey…” Bob interrupted.

“For the last two goddamn hours, and I’m about sick of it!” Lilly concluded.

She whirled and began walking down the road again, picking up the pace and muttering under her breath.

After several minutes, she heaved a sigh.

“We’ve been in Rom since early this morning,” she informed the group. “We should be at the palace in a couple of hours.”

Tink looked at her surroundings from her donkey assisted vantage point.

“But all we’ve seen so far is a few broken down villages.”

Lilly simply nodded.

The group continued on. As they got closer to where Lilly said the palace was, the villages became more frequent, but not more opulent.

“I cant help but wonder how the King has a thousand gold pieces to spend on a reward when his kingdom is in such shambles,” Bob mused.

Sam pointed a finger ahead of them up the road.

“It looks like the King has plenty of gold, even if his people don’t.” she said.

The Palace sat high on a hill, the road winding its way to the front gate. As the group approached, the rutted dirt road gave way to cobblestones a short distance away. The evening sun gleamed off of bright white parapets, and the breeze played with the pennants. A high wall surrounded the building, and there was an invisible line the run-down cottages didn’t cross, creating a large meadow of tall grass and wild flowers. It appeared the castle didn’t want to associate with its ne’er-do-well cousins in the village.

The group finally reached the gleaming front gate, which was bracketed by two guards in brightly colored uniforms.

“Halt!” The guards shouted in unison. “Who goes there?!”

“Gods, I hate that cliché.” Bob muttered. Sam shushed him with an elbow to his ribs.

“Lilith!” Lilly responded to the guards. “Warrior woman returning from a quest for the King!”

The guard on the left started to nod, and his helmet tilted forward, an obscenely large feather at its crest flipping in front of his face. The guard rapidly pushed the helmet back into place, and the feather waved backwards and forwards, sliding the helmet along the mans brow.

“Proceed!” the guard on the right ordered before slapping his partner on the arm.

Safely out of earshot, Sam voiced her opinion of the guards.

“No wonder he needed outside help,” she said to Lilly. “I wouldn’t trust those two to find a lit candle in their rear ends.”

“Those are just there for the decoration,” Lilly said. “The chancellor keeps the best troops out of sight, and constantly training. The ‘King’s Army’ is all flash, no fight. The Chancellor’s army is all fight, no scruples.”

“So why didn’t the king send the super duper soldiers to find his kid?” Tink asked.

“I kinda got the feeling last time I was here that the King doesn’t even know they exist.” Lilly answered. “The only reason I know about them is because I can spot a mercenary a mile away, and there are sure a lot of them. They live in the run-down village out there, and they don’t care how it looks as long as they have a place to sleep.”

“Hold it,” Bob ordered, coming to a stop in the middle of the courtyard. “Are you trying to tell me that the King sits on his throne, oblivious, and the Chancellor has a private army to collect the taxes from the population, who starves in sight of opulence? Let me guess: The Chancellor is an evil man who is probably secretly running the kingdom until he can take it over, and he is the one who raised our nasty little Prince-in-a-bag?”

“Umm, yeah,” Lilly said quizzically. “How did you know all that?”
“Gods,” Bob exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. “I just walked into the Kingdom of Cliché!”

“I thought it was Rom…” Tink said, confused.

“Shut up Bob,” Sam ordered. “We don’t know who is listening and we don’t want to offend anyone before Gramma gets her money. Besides, this might make a good story to tell.”

“I doubt it,” Bob muttered under his breath. “I got five gold pieces that says the Chancellor is a tall man with dark hair and a pointed goatee.”

“But, that sounds like you,” Tink said, still confused.

“Hush.”

The group continued across the castles courtyard until they reached the doorway leading into the castle proper. They were once again challenged by guards, who once again accepted Lilly’s explanation and pushed open the heavy doors.

They entered a huge hallway, massive columns bracketing the carpeted walkway. Banners hung from the ceiling, and tapestries adorned the walls. Golden candelabras were affixed to the columns, and crystal adorned chandeliers hung high overhead. At the end of the carpet was a huge throne. Carved lions heads perched atop the high back, and snarling dogs graced the arms. Seated on an overstuffed pillow was a small pudgy man, who looked very bored.

A man in tattered clothing stood before the King, shoulders slumped. He was speaking in a very soft voice, as if afraid of being heard.

“… So then the collector came, and we gave him our last piece of gold. He said that we were still behind on our taxes, and started tearing apart our house looking for some more. When he didn’t find any, he took our cow. It’s been a tough year, your Highness, and we don’t have enough food to last the winter, and we were hoping that maybe you could do something, to… um…. help?”

The King heaved a deep sigh and shifted in his throne.

“I don’t understand why you felt the need to address me personally on this matter,” he told the peasant. “We collect those taxes in order to maintain the Kingdom. A portion of those taxes is paid in crops, and those are put into the Royal Storage House to feed my people. All you needed to do was go there and ask for it.”

“Yes, Sire, I understand,” the peasant continued. “But, you see, I did go to the storehouse and requested some basics. Just enough to keep my family fed, you understand. The man working there was very polite, and gathered up everything that I had asked for. Then he told me that I had to pay three gold pieces for it. If you remember, sire, we had paid our last gold piece in taxes.”

The King no longer looked bored. He snapped upright in his chair, eyes wide.

“They tried to charge you?” He demanded. “Get the Chancellor!”

A page raced from the room. The king tapped his foot impatiently as he waited.

The Chancellor entered the room from behind a tall curtain. He was a tall man, disturbingly thin. A tall silk hat sat upon his jet black hair, and he scowled from behind a pointed beard, its tip curled up.

“Yes, your Majesty?” he asked.

“Told you so,” Bob whispered to Sam. “You owe me five gold pieces.”

“SHHH!” Lilly hissed.

The King and his Chancellor were holding a whispered conference at the throne. Occasionally, one or the other would gesture furiously at the peasant, who was trying in vain to eavesdrop on the conversation regarding his family’s fate.

The King addressed the peasant.

“My Chancellor tells me that the payment is to cover the cost of paying the workers in the storehouse.”

“But, Sire! I just explained that I have paid my last coin in taxes! Shouldn’t the taxes cover the workers payments? My family has no money, we’ll starve!”

“Chancellor,” the King said in a loud voice, overriding the peasant’s protests, “take this man to the storehouse and allow him to take all he needs for his family, and waive any ’service fee’ that may be set up. When you return, we will discuss the matter further.”

The Chancellor scowled, and motioned to a guard. The guard came forward and let the peasant away.

“The guard will take him to the storehouse, if you wish to discuss the matter now, Sire.”

“Hey there, your Highness,” Lilly interrupted, stepping forward.

The King looked at Lilly and his eyes opened wide.

“You’ve returned!” he exclaimed. “What news? Have you found my son?”

“Yes, your Highness.”

The King looked at the group, attempting to peer behind them in search of the Prince.

“Then where is he?” he asked. “You were to return him after you found him.”

“Tink?”

Tink strode forward and made a great show of removing the pouch from her belt. She reached into the bag and withdrew the struggling Prince. She place him on the floor in front of the throne, and pointed a finger at his tiny head.

“Stay!” she ordered. “You’re up, Bob.”

Bob had already removed a bottle from his own pouch, and poured a brightly colored sand into his palm. He carefully knelt in front of the Prince and blew the dust at him.

The Prince grew to his normal size in a matter of moments, and Lilly cut the rag gagging him.

“You will all pay dearly for this insolence!” he spluttered.

The King was on his feet, his face a deep crimson red.

“What is this?” he demanded.

“What?” Lilly asked. “You wanted him back, we brought him back. That will be a thousand gold pieces, please.”

“Why was my son bewitched and placed in a filthy bag?”

“He really didn’t want to come back home, your Majesty,” Sam explained before Lilly had a chance to speak. “And he had a band of bandits with him to try and keep us from bringing him here.”

“She lies!” the Prince cried. “I was with a hunting party! We were chasing a stag when this woman attacked me and her pet mage shrunk me and dumped me in a bag!”

“Hunting a stag?!” Lilly demanded, her voice bouncing around the room. “Well you must be a pretty shitty shot if you hit me!”
Lilly pulled aside her cloak to reveal the still healing wound in her shoulder.

“She must have gotten that when my hunting party attempted to rescue me,” the Prince said.

“Like hell!” Lilly roared and took a step towards the prince, hand on hilt.

“Your Majesty, if I may interrupt?” Bob stepped between Lilly and the Prince. “I have in my possession a truth stone, which I would like to offer for your use. You may use it to verify our claims.”

“A most generous offer, but I am understandably reluctant to trust a man who would treat royalty as you have treated my son,” the coldly stated. “I expected better of you, Lilith. Bring my court magician!”

The same page raced once again from the room. In moments, a cloud of smoke erupted from the floor in front of the king, a shadowy figure just visible inside.

“You summoned me?” the figure asked as the smoke vanished as rapidly as it had appeared.

“Yes, magician,” the King answered. “I want you to verify the truth of these peoples claims.”

The mage turned to face the group, his long black cloak swirling around him. His eyes widened.

“Bobrogonzo,” he stated flatly.

“Norman,” Bob returned the greeting in kind.

“Still hanging with the corpses?” Norman asked.

“On occasion,” Bob answered. “I see that you have used your talents exactly as I expected.”

“Well,” Norman sneered, “when you’re good, you get noticed by the right people.”

“I’m afraid you have me there. Of course, I have always maintained that you are very good at what you do.”

“Enough of this!” the King bellowed. “Find me the truth!”

Norman pulled a Truth Stone from one of the many pockets of his cloak.

“You’re Majesty, I have here a stone which will…”

“Yes, yes, I know,” the King interjected. “I have seen it before. You don’t have to describe it to me every time.”

“If I may, your Highness?” Bob stepped forward. “I would like to use my own stone in conjunction with your court magicians to validate the readings. Surely you can see the wisdom of using two stones over one?

“You doubt my Truth Stone?” Norman asked with mock insult. “Why Bobrogonzo, I am indeed wounded.”

“Past experience has shown me that when you are involved, results should be checked.” Bob answered icily. “And then checked again, and have the results verified by several outside sources.”

“I don’t care how many stones you use,” the King ordered, “just get on with it.”

“Whose tall tale should we tackle first?” Norman asked.

“Mine.” Lilly stepped forward.

The two magicians placed their stones in mid-air in front of her.

“Perhaps you should ask the questions, your Majesty.” Bob suggested.

“Err, me?” The King was momentarily taken by surprise.

“Yes, Sire.” Bob answered. “Although the truth stones are a wonderful tool, they can be misled by a person knowledgeable enough. Therefore, I suggest we remove that possibility.”

“Yes, of course,” the King stated, then faced Lilly. “Did I offer you a thousand gold pieces to bring back my missing son?”

“Yes.”

Both stones registered truth.

“Did you find my son’s hunting party?”

“Yes and no.”

The stones changed back to their neutral color.

“Why did they do that?” the King demanded.

“Your question could be answered simply. The truth lies somewhere between yes and no.”

“Oh, so I should keep it to yes and no questions… Did you find my son?”

“Yes.” The stones glowed blue once again.

“Was he hunting?”

“Kinda.” Neutral stones again.

“Perhaps it would be better to change the nature of the test,” Bob offered. “Lilith, if you would recount the events, pausing after each statement, the stones can verify the truth of the statement.”

Lilly smiled at him.

“I found the prince.”

Blue stones.

“He was with a hunting party.”

Blue again.

“He wasn’t hunting a stag.”

Bob’s stone was blue, while Norman’s glowed crimson red.

“Now what?” demanded the King.

“Obviously this man has used his magic to change the color of his stone to show this woman’s lies as truth.” Norman stated.

“Wait a damn minute, you slimy…” Tink was rushing forward, but Sam caught her by the shoulder.

“It would have been just as easy for you to accomplish that task, Norman.” Bob countered.

“Then this test is useless!” thundered the King.

“On the contrary,” Bob argued. “If we are to assume that one of us is changing the stones color, and we also assume that it can only be done after hearing the question, I suggest you question Lilith alone, and out of earshot. Only then can you be sure of getting the correct reading out of both stones.”

“Your Majesty,” the Chancellor ran forward, alarmed. “I cannot leave you alone with this heavily armed woman. Who knows what mischief she is planning?”

“Oh nonsense, Chancellor,” the king waved a dismissive hand. “I’ve been alone with her dozens of…”

He stopped speaking abruptly and looked in horror at Lilly.

Lilly was, amazingly, blushing fiercely.

“Ahem!” The King regained his composure and continued. “This sounds like a good plan. You may all leave the Kings chamber.”

“I must protest, sire!” the Chancellor tried again.

“Hey! Pointy Beard!” Tink shouted. “Kings overrule Chancellors, so getchyer butt outta here!”

After a stern look from the King, they left the two alone. The Prince, Chancellor and Norman gathered rapidly into a small group. A whispered argument could almost be overheard.

“I don’t like the look of that,” Sam commented.

“There does seem to be a certain amount of collusion going on.” Bob agreed.

“That slimy, no good, scum sucking, arrogant rat bastard of a Prince is up to no good, I guarantee.” Tink offered. “Him and his livestock molesting friends.”

“Loquacious to a fault, my dear Tink.” Bob said.

“How do you know that magician?” Sam asked

“We attended the same school,” Bob answered. “We all learned rather rapidly that if Norman was around, you needed to be cautious.”

“School?” Tink asked, “What school?”

“Greater University of Education, Science and Sorcery.”

“G.U.E.S.S.?”  Sam asked, brow furrowed.

“Ahem, well, yes.” Bob stammered. “I don’t really advertise my Alma Mater in that fashion. It doesn’t lead to a great amount of confidence in my abilities.”

“What kind of person is Norman?” Sam prompted.

“He was always obsessed with being the top of our class, by any means possible.” Bob explained. “He felt little concern over lying, cheating, stealing or bribing to get there. Anything he thought would advance his credentials to get the most powerful position after graduation. Unfortunately, he made one critical mistake and did not graduate, let alone with the honors he coveted so dearly.”

“Why not?” Tink asked.

“The wife of the Dean seemed to be taking a greater interest in the education of Norman then the Dean felt was appropriate.” Bob grinned. “One would think it obvious that the Dean of a school of magic would be a hard man to deceive. Perhaps Norman should have slept with the Dean to gain favor instead.”

The King and Lilly emerged from the Throne Room, arm in arm. Lilly was grinning hugely, but the King did not look pleased.

“Your truth stone, Magician,” The king said formally as he handed it to Bob. “I am grateful for its use, and you have my thanks.”

He walked over to the other group, and stood before Norman.

“Here’s your rock,” he said and dropped it on the ground. “The three of you may now leave.”

Uneasy glances were exchanged as Norman knelt to retrieve his stone.

“Perhaps your Majesty will require my services later?” The Chancellor asked. “I do have a small number of pressing matters that I must attend to, but if your Majesty requires…”

“You misunderstand me,” the King said, ice dripping from his words. “The three of you may leave. Permanently. I have seen your clandestine meetings, I have heard the whispers of your conversations. I have long suspected you of plotting against me, but did not want to believe that my trusted Chancellor and my own son would be capable of such a thing. The Stones have confirmed my suspicions.”

He turned and began walking back to Lilly.

“You no longer have a place here, any of you.” He concluded.

“But I’m the Prince! You have no other heirs!”

The King faced the trio once again.

“It is possible that I could produce another heir.”

Lilly nodded. She noticed her three friends looking at her in shock and blushed again.

“Chancellor, I wanted to believe in you, but I have watched you make my citizens miserable.” The King said. “I agreed with your taxes, I authorized your plans. To my shame, I have allowed you to run my Kingdom into the ground, and I will not allow it any further. My people will no longer starve while you fill your own coffers. Leave, now.”

“But your Majesty!” the Chancellor protested.

“NOW!” The King bellowed. “GUARDS!”

The heavy doors burst open, and a dozen brightly colored guards entered, weapons at the ready.

“Escort these criminals from my Kingdom,” he ordered.

“At once, sire!” the Captain of the Guard stated, and the group advanced on Sam, Bob, Tink and Lilly.

“Whoa there, soldier!” Sam said as she took a step backwards, reaching for her sword.

“No, no, NO!” the King corrected the guards. “The other ones are the criminals!”

“The Prince, sire?” asked the confused captain. “As well as the Chancellor and Magician? I don’t understand, sire.”

“Yes, those three,” the King confirmed. “Escort them to the edge of my kingdom. If they attempt to return, execute them on the spot.”

“But, sire…” the captain began once again.

“You heard him, goomba!” Tink shouted at the captain. “His kingliness wants you to take out the trash, so get movin’!”

“You don’t want to do this, Father.” Prince Don said, his voice taking on a newer, nastier tone.

“Why not?” the King asked. “Your whole life, all you have been interested in is hunting and terrorizing the citizens. You have never shown any interest in being my heir. You are not now, nor shall you ever be, worthy to be a King.”

“You’re wrong, Father. I will be King, I will rule this kingdom. You can’t prevent it.”

The Prince turned and stormed out of the great hall, followed by the magician and chancellor. The guards were practically running to keep up and follow their orders.

“Well, now!” the King exclaimed, clapping his hands loudly, “Shall we dine? You shall be the guests of the Palace for as long as you wish. A banquet shall be prepared while I gather your payment, Miss Lilith.”

Sam and Bob exchanged glances.

“We should at least eat,” Sam said.

“I fear that if we were to refuse the banquet,” Bob said, watching Tink drool, “Our elfin friend will cause us great bodily harm.”

“Now you’re talkin’!” Tink shouted. “Let’s EAT!”

NOTE! This is an ongoing story. If this is your first visit, please read the About This Page link, and then use the archive links to go the first post and read backwards.

Bob advanced slowly on the troops, hands wide and fingers splayed towards the ground. His lips moved in silence, then a soft murmuring could be heard as he raised his voice, chanting. His pace slowed to a halt as he turned his face to the heavens, unintelligible words now clearly audible.

“What’s he saying?” Tink asked.

“I don’t know,” Sam answered.

“He’s making an appeal to the Goddess of the Earth, and Father of the Forest,” Lilly told them.

“You know that language?” Sam asked, surprised.

“No, but I recognized their names and guessed the rest.” Lilly said. “Look.”

Lilly was looking away from the road to the lush forest. Sam and Tink followed her gaze and saw the skies darken in a boiling black cloud. Bob’s fingers twitched as he chanted, and an ominous humming filled the small clearing. The hum grew until it sounded like the roar of a wild beast, getting angrier by the moment.

The cloud left the forests edge and advanced on the closest troops, who started backing away with fear in their eyes. As a group, they started shouting and flailing their arms in the air and slapping themselves fiercely.

Bob walked backwards, joining his friends, while watching the proceedings intently.

“What the hell is that?” Lilly demanded.

“Bees, hornets, and wasps.” Bob explained. “And any other form of annoyance that could rapidly join us. Before long, the troops should break ranks and flee. I suggest you keep your eyes on the prince, so that he may be captured as rapidly as possible.”

“Will the bees attack us?” Tink asked fearfully.

“In all likelihood,” Bob answered. “They are not very selective. I merely directed them to the area where our foe was, and asked them to attack. They will probably attack anyone in that area.”

They watched as Bob’s prediction came true. Troops began to scatter in all directions, and the horse was whinnying and violently swishing its tail in an attempt to be free of the insects. The prince had pulled his cloak around his body and peered out through the smallest of gaps. The majority of the insects had followed the troops, and the clearing was almost free of the flying creatures.

“Let’s go Sam,” Lilly ordered as she drew her sword and dashed towards the prancing steed.

Sam followed her grandmother with Tink hot on her heels.

The prince was ready by the time Lilly reached him. His sword flashed in a violent down stroke from his mounted position. Lilly threw her own blade over her head to parry and the two connected with a load crash. Sam dashed to the opposite side and attempted to wrest control of the horses reins from the prince, but his blade swung around and barely missed taking off her hand. Tink was prancing around the horse, darting in towards its legs and scurrying back as the horse moved. She held a small dagger in her hand, and seeing the opening she had been looking for, dashed underneath the horse’s belly.

“What the hell are you doing?” Sam demanded, snatching her hand away from another attack.

“Helping!” Tink shouted back. She reached up and grabbed the belly strap of the saddle with one hand, and then deftly sliced through it with her dagger. She erupted from beneath the horse’s chin and jumped as high as she could, waving her arms wildly at its face.

“BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!!!!”

The horse had all it could take, and it reared on its hind legs violently. The prince went flying, saddle still gripped between his legs. As soon as he landed, he started to struggle to his feet, but was entangled in a mass of leather straps and heavy cloak. By the time he extricated himself, Sam and Lilly were there, swords dangerously close to his face.

“Daddy says you have to come home now,” Lilly told him. “Playtime’s over.”

Prince Don glared at her, and started to mutter.

Suddenly, Bob appeared and clasped a hand firmly over the prince’s mouth.

“I don’t think so, lad.” He said. “I’m the designated spell weaver here. You wouldn’t want me to take this to the union, now would you?”

“What was he doing?” Sam asked.

“Nasty bit of a spell, actually.” Bob answered. “If he had completed it, Lilly would have been turned violently inside out before exploding.”

“Ewww!” Tink said with a wrinkled nose.

“I did say it was nasty,” Bob told her with a chuckle. “I do believe a gag would be most advantageous.”

Tink produced a rag from somewhere on her person and gave it a sniff. She stuck out her tongue and gagged slightly.

“This should do,” she said as she handed it to Bob, who gingerly took it between thumb and forefinger.

The prince attempted to scoot away on his backside as Bob stuffed the disgusting rag in his mouth and tied it in place with a bit of rope. The prince’s eyes began to water as he coughed around the foul fabric as Bob tied the princes hands securely behind his back.

“Anyone besides me get the feeling this boy is going to be nothing but trouble?” Lilly asked.

“It sure is going to be a long walk dragging his royal-pain-in-the-ass the whole way,” Sam said as she put way her sword.

“We could beat him into submission,” Tink offered.

“I’m with the elf,” Lilly immediately agreed.

“Or…” Sam countered, “We could just tie him to his horse, if we can find it.”

“I could turn him stone,” Bob mused, “but he would be dreadfully heavy.”

“Couldn’t you just bibbity boppity float him all the way there?” Tink asked.

“I could, but it would be a serious drain of my powers for so mundane a task.” He answered. “Since we must assume that his cohorts will attempt a rescue, I would prefer to keep my powers at full strength.”

The group fell into silent contemplation. The prince started to slowly ease his way away from the group, and Tink cracked his head with a small rock.

“Aha!” Bob exclaimed, startling them all. “I can shrink him!”

“Shrink him?” Tink asked. “You can do that? Can you make stuff bigger too? Like people? Like ME?”

“I believe I have the necessary ingredients with me, and a small amount of preparation should produce a shrinking potion that would make him conveniently pocket-sized. We can bundle him in a pouch, where he won’t be able to escape, and if any of his men see us, they won’t see him and, hopefully, leave us alone.”

“Can I carry him?” Tink asked, excited. “Pleeeeease let me carry him!”

Everyone looked at Tink, who was trying to hide an evil grin. She was failing.

“Ahem, ladies, if you would be so kind as to keep our quarry from escaping whilst I prepare?” Bob asked as he swung his belt pouch to the front.

A small cauldron emerged, followed by bottle after bottle of multi-colored liquids.

“No… no…. nope…. A-HA!”

Bob held up a tiny vial in triumph. His hands flew as stoppers were removed and contents poured into the vessel. Tink crept close and attempted to peer into the concoction, and Bob rapped her smartly on the head with a huge spoon.

“Don’t breathe that, my dear.” Bob cautioned.

As the liquids swirled in the cauldron, Bob allowed a single drop to fall from the tiny vial. A cloud the color of vile sickness erupted swirling into the air, and Bob frantically fanned it away with his hands.

“It’s ready,” he announced.

“Get up, pretty boy.” Lilly ordered the prince, punctuating her command with a boot to the rear. “I’m gonna enjoy forcing that gunk down your throat.”

“No need,” Bob said as he dumped the contents over the scrambling prince. Another scream forced its way around the rag, rising in pitch as the prince rapidly dwindled in size. “Let him dry out for a minute before touching him. We wouldn’t want your fingers reduced as well.”

Tink stepped in and kept a close eye on the prince. He started running in a panic, and every time he got a bit of distance, Tinks boot stomped in his path.

“I do believe that it should be all right to collect him now, Tink” Bob informed her. “Provided, of course, that you haven’t ground him into the dust already.”

Tink dropped to the ground and followed the minuscule prince as he vanished into a clump of grass. She reached into the brush and felt around before holding her prize in front of her face. She scowled and tossed the item violently over her shoulder.

“Grasshopper,” she informed the group. “Just a sec.”

She pounced like a cat to the far side of the grass and emerged holding the struggling prince by a foot.

“Dammit, quit squirming or I won’t give him a chance to change you back!”

Tink stuffed him into a leather pouch Lilly was holding open. Sam dropped a small chunk of bread inside and Lilly tied the pouch securely closed. She handed the pouch to Tink, who cackled ominously.

“Don’t do it, Tink” Sam warned.

“Do what?” Tinks eyes were batting rapidly, lacking any real hint of innocence.

“Shake the pouch.”

“What are you talking about? I wasn’t gonna… oh, all right.” Tink surrendered and tied the pouch to her belt.

Bob had already packed his potions and stood.

“Everybody ready?” He asked.

“Yup!” Tink answered as she started skipping violently down the road, the pouch swinging wildly. “Let’s go!”

“TINK!” Sam and Bob cried.

“OK!” Tink shouted back as she settled into a more sedate walk.

NOTE! This is an ongoing story. If this is your first visit, please read the About This Page link, and then use the archive links to go the first post and read backwards.

The sun rose slowly over the town, as if it was reluctant to start the day. The populace knew how it felt. Farmers emerged from their homes, squinting into the morning light and groaning. Shopkeepers opened their doors slowly before retreating into the darkness behind the counter to hold their heads.

Their wives roamed the town, going about their usual business with mixed looks of sympathy and smugness. The women all had the same conversation with their spouses.

“Maybe this will teach you to stay out all night drinking,” they chastised, but men and women alike knew that it wouldn’t.

The doors of the Chainmail Bikini remained closed. Inside, the ladies slept peacefully and with smiles on their faces.

Sam and Lilly had been up for an hour, sitting at the bar with steaming mugs of coffee. Lilly finally broke the silence that had been broken only by the solitary girl behind the counter washing dishes.

“So,” she began hesitantly, “what made you decide to follow in your old Granny’s footsteps?”

Sam glanced over at her grandmother, torn between truth and tact.

“To be honest,” she finally answered, “I had decided that this was the life that I wanted before I knew about you. Dad told me you were a warrior after I told him that I wanted to leave home.”

“I see,” Lilly said, voice and body both slumping slightly.

“But I have heard of you on my travels,” Sam continued, trying to cheer her up.

“Oh yeah?” Lilly said, brightening. “What did you hear?”

“Umm, I heard that you kicked Earls ass, and his friends.” Sam answered softly.

“Uh-huh, uh-huh, what else?” Lily leaned forward excitedly.

“And…” Sam cast her eyes to the floor before answering. “And that’s about all.”

There was silence as both women sipped their coffee in the embarrassing silence.

“So my legacy, after thirty years of being a warrior woman, is that I beat up a fat bartender.”

“And his friends!” the girl behind the counter said brightly.

“Suzy-Q,” Bob said from the doorway, “I am doubtful that your comment, although sincere, is helping the situation.”

“Oh.” The girl said. “But it’s a big deal to me! I was here when it happened! She was all FWOOSH! BANG! SWISH!”

The girl pirouetted around behind the bar, a spoon in her hand taking the place of a sword in her memory.

“And Earl was on the ground, whining and crying and we were all so happy to see him get some of what he had been dishing out to us. Coffee?”

Bob nodded with a wink and a smile and accepted the cup with a nod of thanks.

“Well,” Lilly said suddenly, standing. “I guess I better get going to see the ol’ King about getting half the payment.”

“Don’t you think you should give yourself more time to heal up before you travel?” Sam asked.

“What, this?” Lilly said as she waved her arm around furiously without a wince. “Good as new, ya did a great job patching me up.”

“Miss Lilly,” Bob interjected, “Would you mind if I accompanied you on your journey?”

“Why?” asked Lilly and Sam at the same time.

“I have never been to the Kingdom of Rom. You always learn new things when you travel.”

“Good point.” Sam said. “I think I’d like to go along, too. If you don’t mind, that is.”

Lilly smiled broadly and grabbed the two in each of her arms.

“A long trip with a handsome man and my long lost granddaughter?” She said as she looked at each of them. “How could I refuse an offer like that?” What about your little pixie friend?”

“Woman!” Tink shouted from the stairs before stumbling down a step or two while rubbing her eyes. “I like you, I really do, but if you call me ‘pixie’ again, especially before I have had my coffee…”

She reached the bottom of the stairs and leaned braced herself with the banister and pulled herself up to her full, minuscule height.

“I’ll kill you,” she concluded.

Lilly glanced at Sam, still held in her hug/headlock.

Sam nodded.

“I wouldn’t put it past her. She doesn’t have much reach, but she is quick and fights dirty.”

“So do I,” Lilly said with a grin.

“Tink has a tendency to keep cracking kneecaps until you fall down, and then jumping on your face. A lot. With boots. And she has a lot of energy.”

“Point taken.” Lilly said. “No pixies here.”

Suzy-Q put a huge mug on the bar as Tink hopped up. Tink took a long sip before asking, “Did I hear something about going on a trip?”

“Yeah, to see the King of Rom.” Sam answered. “Bob and I are going, and you are welcome to join us if you want.”

Tink glared at Sam.

“Hellooo? Life debt, remember?”

“Looks like we have a party, then!” Lilly exclaimed. “We’ll leave as soon as we’ve finished our coffee.”

“That does seem rather sudden,” Bob objected. “Is there any particular reason you are in such a rush?”

“I want my money,” Lilly answered. “Besides, I like this place and can see myself staying here a long time, maybe even the rest of my life, so I gotta get movin’ on.”

“Huh?” the rest of the group chorused.

“I’m not ready to settle down just yet,” Lilly explained, “So anytime I find myself thinking about settling down, I move on as quick as these old legs will take me.”

“OK,” Sam said, “Then we pack and get our supplies ready today, and leave tomorrow at first light.”

“Tomorrow?!” Lilly protested. “Why not now? I don’t need anything, I usually just find what I need on the road.”

“It wont hurt you to wait a day, will it Miss Lilly?” Bob asked. “I have many preparations to make before departing. Perhaps you could start a fight to keep you occupied in the meantime.”

“Gods, I hope so.” Lilly murmured. “What the hell you gotta do that’s gonna take a whole damn day?”

“I have several potions in my lab brewing that would be disastrous to cut short,” Bob explained. “And I prefer not to rely on the fortunes of the road for sustenance. I have never been partial to lizard road-kill roasted over a smoky, damp wood fire.”

“Oh, fine. Whatever.” Lilly waved a hand at Bob. “Go get your fancy magic stuff taken care of so we can get goin’.”

The rest of the day the group went about collecting supplies and getting ready for the trip. The donkey was fitted with a better harness for carrying the provisions. Potions were bottled and placed in the magic belt pouch, and Bob conceded to Sam and Tink and promised to wear it unseen at his back, beneath the heavy cloak. Tink joined forces with Lilly to argue with Sam and Bob regarding the wisdom of packing a large number of bottles full of ale. The most difficult part of the preparations was informing the Ladies of the Chainmail Bikini of their plans.

They did not take the news well.

Bob informed them that the undead warriors would remain, and would take instruction from Stella. He also made each of the Ladies individually promise to stay out of his lab, and spelled the door locked, just in case. Sam and Tink packed all of their things into one small pack, and offered their room for the Ladies use.

Earl surprised them all by working in the kitchen all day and delivering a large sack of food for them to take.

“It should last you a couple of weeks,” he growled, trying to keep his image. “Shouldn’t go bad if you stretch it out longer than that.”

They thanked Earl, and Tink even hopped up on the bar to kiss the mans cheek.

“I don’t think I will ever need to kick your ass again, Earl.” She told him.

Evening fell and a moderate amount of drinking took place as a good-bye celebration. Lilly finally got her wish and managed to get into a scuffle with a young plow boy who was feeling his oats. He soon left feeling to see if his privates were still in place.

The group retired early, except Lilly who was looking for another fight.

*          *          *

The first rays of the sun lit upon the group outside the Chainmail Bikini. Lilly was pacing back and forth impatiently, kicking up a small cloud of dust from the street. Sam and Tink took care of the last minute details and made sure that the gear was secure upon the mule. Bob had his belt pouch twisted around in front of him, his arm disappearing into its depths as he arranged his items. Despite its magical properties, the pouch looked full enough to burst at any moment. After a round of tearful goodbyes to the Ladies, the group set off down the road.

After an hour of walking, Sam quickened her step to pace alongside her grandmother.

“So how far is the Kingdom of Rom?” she asked.

“About three days of steady walking,” Lilly answered tersely. “We could have been halfway there by now if hadn’t waited.”

Sam didn’t reply, but slowed her pace until the donkey had pulled up alongside her. She rummaged in Earl’s pack and removed a hunk of bread and some smoked meat. She quickly caught back up to Lilly and took a bite of her meal.

“Hungry?” she asked her grandmother.

“Yeah, I guess I could go for a bit of food.” She answered, holding out her hand towards Sam.

Rather than give her the meal, Sam glanced quickly from either side of the road. She darted to a large tree, hand flashing at one of its hanging branches. She stepped back to Lilly and dropped a large locust into Lilly’s hand.

“What the hell is this?” Lilly demanded.

“Something to eat,” Sam answered, taking another bite of her bread.

“Why are you eating bread and meat and I get a bug?”

“Because you said that you prefer to find things to eat on the road. I found this on the road.”

Lilly flicked her wrist and the locust took to the air with a loud buzz.

“OK, Sam,” she said. “Point taken. I’ll quit bitching now.”

“Good.”

They walked in silence for several minutes, Sam occasionally taking bites from her meal.

“Well?” Lilly demanded.

“‘Well’ what?”

“You gonna give me some of that?”

“Nope.”

“What!? Why the hell not?”

Sam jerked her thumb over her shoulder.

“The mule’s back there,” she said. “Get your own.”

Lilly burst into loud laughter, and several more locusts scrambled out of the trees into the air.

“I guess I’m a bit used to getting my way,” Lilly said. “I can tell that won’t be the case with this crew.”

“Nope,” Sam repeated.

Lilly faded back and rummaged in the pack, tongue protruding out the corner of her mouth as she searched for the bread and dried meat. After extracting both, she caught back up to Sam.

“So how’s your father?” she asked.

“I haven’t seen him in almost a year, but the last time I saw him he was doing fine.” Sam answered. “He was still doing the farmer thing, and seemed happy with it.”

Lilly shook her head and took another bite.

“I never thought that boy would become a farmer,” she said around a mouth full of food.

“Why not?”

“That boy was the greatest general in the King’s army,” Lilly explained. “He led thousands of men into battle, won many glorious wars and brought great honor, not to mention land, to the King. One day, he asked to see the King and was immediately granted an audience. He just quit, and no amount of prodding by the King would get an explanation. He wouldn’t even tell me.”

Sam stopped in the middle of the road, astonished.

“Daddy was a warrior?” she asked skeptically.

“Oh yeah! He was the youngest captain of the guard, made General in record time and was the favorite of the King. No matter what your father said, the King listened. Not the current king, of course, but his father.”

“Then…” Sam struggled as questions stumbled over themselves in her mind. “Then why did he quit?”

“It took me a while, but I finally got him to talk about it. He said that he had seen all the blood he wanted to see in his lifetime, and more, and he was tired of it. He never wanted to take another life, either on his own or with an army. He wanted to give life, to the land, and to you and your brothers. He asked the King for a plot of land, which was gladly given. He built a house, tilled the land, and met your mother. About that time, the old King died and the Prince took the throne. Your father has lived in relative anonymity ever since.”

Lilly turned and glanced at Bob and Tink, who had stopped a respectful distance behind them, confusion on their faces. She started walking again, and Sam hesitated a moment before joining her.

“I think Daddy misses you,” Sam said. “He told me a long time ago that he didn’t know if you were alive or dead. He seemed sad about it.”

“Well,” Lilly said with a smile, ” I guess after we get done with this little jaunt we will have to go pay the boy a visit. That should shock the shit outta him.”

Sam chuckled at the thought of her fathers face when his long lost warrior mother showed up with his warrior daughter. She laughed out loud at the thought of her mother’s face.

Bob’s voice broke the morning air.

“I say!” he cried. “I do believe there is something wrong with your ass!”

Both women spun round to glare at the mage. They saw that the donkey had stopped and sat crudely in the middle of the road, and understood Bob’s meaning.

Tink was pulling at the donkeys lead rope and cussing up a storm. A number of locusts erupted from the trees, only to fall to the ground under her ferocious curses.

“What happened?” Sam asked as she took the rope from the panting elf.

“Nothing!” Tink shouted. “We were just walking along, no worries, and the son-of-a-bitch just stopped in the middle of the bleeping road!”

Her voice had risen in pitch until it squeaked at the offending word.

Sam glanced at Lilly, who nodded. They both began scanning the edge of the forest with their eyes, not moving their heads.

“There.” Sam murmured, motioning surreptitiously with her head.

“Yeah, I see ‘em” Lilly answered. “Those black tunics aren’t that tough to spot, if you are looking. Sorry Sam, I should have been expecting this.”

“I guess they are still a bit upset about the other night,” Sam offered.

“If you were forced to wear those pants, wouldn’t you be upset?” Tink asked, peering into the underbrush.

Sam risked another look, and saw that although the men still wore the black tunics and hoods from the other night, their pants were a hodgepodge of styles and colors. There was no semblance of uniformity; she saw glimpses of blue, red, plaid, patchwork and even a tartan kilt.

“Looks like they brought the boss with ‘em this time,” Lilly observed.

The opposing army emerged from the brush and formed ranks in the road ahead of the group. Astride a brilliant white horse in the forefront was a man still clad entirely in black, long cape billowing softly in the morning breeze.

“How many you figure?” Lilly asked.

“Maybe fifty,” Sam answered between clenched teeth.

Bob and Tink had gathered with the two warriors.

“I say we leave the army here and take the good Prince back to Daddy,” Lilly growled.

“And just how do you propose we leave the army here, if I may ask?” Bob inquired.

“Bleeding,” answered Lilly in a flat voice.

“Ah, I see.” Bob responded. “So how do you ladies propose we divide them up? Split them equally or just take them as they come?”

“I can take maybe fifteen or twenty if they don’t all come at once,” Lilly calculated.

“I should be good for about that many,” Sam put in.

“Put me down for five,” Tink said. “I wish I still had that table leg.”

“So that would leave between five and fifteen for me,” Bob said. “I don’t suppose I could interest you in an alternate plan, could I?”

The three women faced him.

“Such as?” Sam asked.

“Well, since fortune has smiled upon us and practically handed Prince Donny Boy to us, I agree that we would be foolish to not take advantage of the situation and receive full payment for services rendered.” Bob explained. “I am, however, a bit reluctant to leave such a large number of corpses in our wake.”

“So what do wanna do, String Bean?” Lilly demanded, keeping her eye on a group of men in plaid who were attempting to slowly encircle the group.

“Please observe,” Bob said as he stepped around the ladies to face the leader. “And take the Prince into custody as soon as circumstances allow.”

Lilly looked at Sam, who shrugged.

“I guess that’s all the explanation we get,” she intoned as she watched Bob walk into the empty space separating the two groups.